Anyway, that aside... do you hold to me doing an intervention, or simply telling H that I know, I will not put up with it, etc?
I don't think I would make it my opening move. I would hold that back as a 2nd confrontation if he persists in the adulterous behavior, and the deceit, for some period of time (one month? two months? -- certainly not any more)
Maybe it's jsut the control freak in me, but I don't like the idea of MY strategy hanging on everyone ELSE getting their "part" right. I'm more of an "international treaty" guy, whereby you always send your advance guys out BEFOREHAND, to hammer out the details, so that when you DO meet with the foreign leader, you ALREADY MOSTLY KNOW how it's all going to go down. That's not to say that you still don't do selective exposure to those family and close friends whom you think you can count on to SUPPORT THE MARRIAGE, but I'm just not sure about a group intervention being the mechanism for that.
That's just me. If you ARE going to go that route, I think you need a TRAINED FACILITATOR -- a good family therapist, preferably -- to facilitate the intervention. You can't just "wing" these things.
