He seems to have declared war. Since you will not allow him to have his way in the D process, he knows the 100% certain way to get you back is to involve OW in your sons life. IMHO this is a retaliation to you pressing on him revealing his income.
I am so sorry that he's taken this method to negotiate. Really focus on detaching and as hard as it is to accept, he's gonna push the boys to relate to OW!
Don't let him know that his actions are causing you anguish.
I think your email is find, right to the point and shows no weakness. I know it's hard for you but I suggest anything relating to D is sent through L even if it's your exact words. He has to understand he can not circumvent the process that you have decided to impliment.
I think your email is find, right to the point and shows no weakness. I know it's hard for you but I suggest anything relating to D is sent through L even if it's your exact words. He has to understand he can not circumvent the process that you have decided to impliment.
Hi G, need some inspiration today. I feel that maybe I may have scre**ed up. When H first left he offered me a financial settlement. At the time I didnt even consider it as I was too emotional and didnt actually think it would end in a D. Now 9 mnths done the line that proposal is exactly what I need and what would be financial viable, however as he is now still unemployed/self employed it doesnt look like it may be possible or that he will be happy to offer that anymore.
My L is confident that we can get that, but I feel perhaps as things have now turned ugly he may pull out all the stops to ensure I get less.
I dont want to 'take him the the cleaners', just need my sons and I to maintain our lives.
Me 37 years young!! S11 S7 T22 M14 D final 13.05.2010 Today is the first day of the rest of my life!!! First post: D Day has arrived
Hi Lea, I am sure this is a difficult time. As bad as things have been, our imagination makes things worse than they are. Maybe the two of you can compromise? He's just angry, hopefully that will start to subside. I feell your anguish, not wanting the D, feeling unable to stop it, now having to stress about the finances. Trust your L, you stated that she is good. Allow her to do her job. I understand how you feel, be strong and trust HIM.
Thanks G. I feel such a sense of failure at the moment. I regret maybe not mediating or negotiating with him as maybe it would have given us a opportunity to go out for some meals and I could show him my good side. I feel a little stupid now for not taking that chance. My reasons for not mediating or negotiating is that I just dont trust myself around him and know I would have agreed to something I shouldnt have. I also felt by doing mediation I would be making the D process easier for him.
I guess that is why I asked for time from him. To get used to the idea and then be able to proceed with dignity and strength. I just feel that if I had met him half way it would have actually been all his way. My H is also a very good negotiator so would make 'mincemeat' of me. Also I just found that every time I let my guard down, he would end up hurting me even more. He didnt seem to meet me half way - constantly parading his OW and A in front of me.
Me 37 years young!! S11 S7 T22 M14 D final 13.05.2010 Today is the first day of the rest of my life!!! First post: D Day has arrived
You are not a failure Lea. You're a great mom, a great person, and a great wife. I think you still feel that this is about you, your failures, your short comings. You were not a perfect wife, none of us are perfect spouses. You must accept that this is about him. What's going on in his mind is why your M is at this point. Our responsibility at this point is to get out the way, let them complete the journey and focus on ourselves and the other love ones left behind. Anything you do only pushes him away faster. The OW is nobody, he using her to help him mask the pain and guilt he feels for leaving his family.
At this point just let your lawyer handle things. He needs you to push him along by fighting with him about anything. Don't do it, if you must fight, fight through your lawyer.
Lea, I think you did the right thing by not mediating or negotiating. You really didn't have the option of doing that if you didn't feel that you could stick up for yourself.
((( )))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
