DU, I know that you feel overwhelmed with it all. When I was where you are, I had the darkest thoughts as well. You have to learn to let go of the old. The old marriage is dead. If it's ever to be again, it needs to be rebuild from it's foundation.
What helped me is this; I started to look at the situation as an opportunity. Opportunity to become a whole independent strong person that doesn't need a husband to feel fulfilled and happy. Don't get me wrong I still love him dearly, and there is nothing that I want more then to spend my life with him and I still hope that I will in the future, but I will be OK if it doesn't happen.
If you still believe in God (or even if you don't right now) this is an opportunity that is given to you (or forced upon you): Your WH needs to grow (call it growing or MLC...doesn't matter). He is changing and you need to change as well and became a strong and independent woman. Neediness is not attractive. Strong and independent is.
After you both go through your changes you may like each other much more and you may even fall in love again and build a new relationship. Or you may realize that YOU don't want to be with him anymore and YOU will be OK with that too. Only time will tell so look at the big picture. You will be OK either way, give it time...
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
