This is a link to your sich from newcomers. I see that they told you not to move out of your house. I have to go reread why you didn't follow that advice. Have you read the resources? I can put them on your thread if you want.
I don't think I would approach your wife about anything at this point. SA has given you good advice.
i did not move out voluntarily. She broke the lease on the place we were renting and moved to a smaller place with the kids and in essence told me were separating, leaving me to believe that we would work on it. She filed two months later.
Not sure whether you have the resources but I will put these links here for your use.
Welcome to this board. Sorry you have to be here but this is a wonderful resource and you will "meet" great people here who understand your sich and want to give you support.
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
Remember that in the stages of MLC it does NOT go 1,2,3,4,5,6 but can get all mixed up and repeat itself and have more than one stage at once. Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Thank you! I appreciate your help. Again, I was actually moved out. I did not go voluntarily. Threatening to keep the kids with me would have started lawyer wars, and I didn't think the best place for that moment was in the courts. But I did stand firm and did not move ... her hand was forced into cancelling the lease and leaving me with no place else to go.
I've noticed things about my MLC regarding her attention to detail as a mother. While I still believe she is a terrific mother, I'm noticing little things that have me concerned. Whenever we'd go away on family trips, she was always meticulous about making sure the kids were packed appropriately; or whenever the kids would go to a friends house to spend the night, their bags were always double and triple checked to make sure, for example, my 6 year old son had more than one pair of clean underwear and warm pajamas in case it got cold.
Lately, when I pick up the kids for the weekend they are already packed, but things are missing. For example, last weekend, my daughter only had shorts and short sleeves ... nothing long sleeve or no sweater, and it's been cold at night. And my son's toothbrush didn't get packed (and she NEVER forgets the toothbrush), and he had one pair of jeans to wear to church--tattered and with holes in the knees. Jeans that if I let him wear to church, I'd never hear the end of it.
I'm concerned. Is this a sign of depression? I know that when she was growing up, her mother was often completely immobilized by depression. As a nine-year old girl, she was often completely responsible for the household. Any ideas as to what may be happening and how I should handle it? My only thought right now is just to make sure the kids have changes of clothes and extra tooth brushes at my house and let her be what she is for right now.
My only thought right now is just to make sure the kids have changes of clothes and extra tooth brushes at my house and let her be what she is for right now.
Yes - that sounds like a great idea. It seems like you can't assume she will pack everything they need at this point so being prepared is good.
It seems very common with MLC that their memories are terrible, maybe part of the fog or the depression. That lack of attention to detail isn't that surprising, and you know that is a part of the fog since that is not typically how she is.
Don't make it into an issue with her and just be prepared yourself.
It seems very common with MLC that their memories are terrible, maybe part of the fog or the depression. That lack of attention to detail isn't that surprising, and you know that is a part of the fog since that is not typically how she is.
I must agree with Trusting, I'm observing the same thing about my WH. He even forgot about D's Name Day (Catholic Saint Day). We always celebrate it and Daughter would receive a gift (like a mini B-day). He just forgot...and when I told him he felt really bad and couldn't understand how could he forget.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I did recently do a consult with a lawyer. She's an expert in family law and she checked the filing and it does not look like MLC/W has an attorney. Looks like she just filed.
She recommended suggesting to MLC/W that I'd like for my attorney to draft up the final papers once we have agreed to everything. No less than joint physical custody. Because she makes more than me (my business collapsed and I switched careers, so I am in the process of re-building), she said this would be to my advantage. Spousal maintenance is not gender-specific. Our debt could be split disproportionately so that I am able to afford a decent place for the children.
She also said I may be able to use this as leverage to get her to agree to legal separation. I can let her know that I will drop any attempts at spousal maintenance if she agrees to 50/50 terms in a legal separation.
I have not sat down with W to discuss any of this yet, nor have I let her know that I sought counsel. The price the lawyer quoted for retention seemed reasonable.
I am wondering if anyone can shed some light as to how far out the MLC before things start falling apart and things like "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" start.
I remember seeing the beginning of change occurring in my w shortly after our 9-year old daughter was born. Looking back, I feel like I had been trying to make changes to satisfy her, but nothing was never good enough. I'd improve on one area, and she'd escalate to another. I hope I'm making sense because it's tough to describe.
The recent economic crisis is what pushed her over, but she'll insist "we've been drifting apart for years" ... and "I've been unhappy for a long time."
I know we can drive ourselves crazy trying to make sense of it all. But any little bit helps.
