The sitting on my hands is killing me. I want to phone her and shake her and tell her what an absolutely immoral, uncaring, hurtful cow she's been. Tell her how much disruption and hurt she's caused me - it's been more than I ever thought possible.

I don't know if I'm strong enough to survive this betrayal, let alone wait and watch the two of them enjoying themselves and having so much fun with their outings and holidays and 'I love you so much'ness. It stabs me to the core.

Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.