I read Penny Tuppy and Harley as well, and they are keen on recognizing the addiction and that MWD's nice guy/girl policies won't wake them up from that.
Dealing with an addiction is not the same as dealing with a simple wayward spouse... It requires a lot more firepower.. it my opinion and Harley as well as Tuppy
The thing is, if you don't do the intervention, you have to rely on being nice to him to get him back... and it will humiliate YOU in the process.
Your call, I reccomend challenging them outright with consequences if they don't want to end it. I don't find the nice-girl approach works if there is a powerful addiction happening...
I can add more comments to your notes above if you want. I don't know if I would go into details with your H about the addiction, I really don't think he cares about that.
He needs to hear he's destroying people and that if it doens't end, there are these consequences - and list them.
