Just had a coaching session with Chuck. He thinks I need to have PMA, stop showing desperation because I see the ax hanging over my head (time to Retro is not 17 days)
He wants me to focus on the value in the marriage. He made the analogy that if you go to a car lot, the salesperson doesn't show you the price tag, he sits you in the car, shows you the leather, the moonroof, lets you take it for a drive. I should be doing the same to DH.
More smiling. I have a beautiful smile and DH loves that. He also likes to laugh, so lots of laughter is important. Both for me and for him.
He said to GAL because if I have that sparkle in my eye and bounce in my step, it's attractive, plus it makes me feel good.
He warned me that when I begin to be effective, he'll try to push my buttons. He thinks he knows me and when he sees me making changes, he'll distrust. If I give in to his button pushing, it will relieve him of the pressure. If I keep up whatever works, he will be thrown off balance. He thinks that although this is our second time through, it's still an effective technique. However, it may take longer this time.
He said not to meet with his friends. That's his support network and if I take it away from him, all he has left to comfort him is the OW. Likewise, he thinks if we do an intervention, as he's a runner, he will run away right into her arms. He'll feel as if I manipulated it and took away his friends and family and use it to show to himself and OW that I'm vindictive, further pushing me away.
He does think I should go to Retro, but not to do the intervention.
He also thinks I should let him know before Retro that I know of the A. He also feels as if I should use Michele's book as a template to do the confronting.
Interesting perspectives. I can see it all working, but DH is so withdrawn this time, more so than last time. Or maybe that's my memory rewriting history. I do see the "he's a runner" point. He runs from conflict, for sure. I really have to think on this. I was really counting on DH's personality - needing approval - to win him over at the intervention.
