I understand. I am sure your home was not utter chaos but it did sound stressful the way you described it. Honestly, to me it just sounds like you and H are on very different levels of "being" and always have been based on what you share.
I do agree that our own issues do resurface and overflow when we are left in a marriage. IMO a good percent of the pain has very little to do with being left and more to do with what it brings back in our own minds and how we convince ourselves we feel (unworthy, unlovable and so on)
I know for you it feels like forever but your situation is very new. Once more time passes you will start to see things in a different way. I am not saying it will all of a sudden be easy but your perspective will change (I am not talking about the children, I am talking about you).
I used to HATE when people said that to me... oh, your situation is new and things will change for YOU. They were right. I can't say how it will change as that is individual but it will be different in your heart, mind and soul.
Your H will always be a part of you as he is the father of your children. I think you will find as you learn, grow, accept and detach he will matter less and less. That is not to say you don't wish him well and hope his life turns out exactly how he had planned, but his day to day or long term plans/actions as a MAN won't be more than a blip on your radar. As a father... yes. A man, no.
