Husband left me 3 months pregnant...

[trytryagain]

babydoll,

i have been reading up on your situation and my heart goes out to you. i hope that you have been finding a sense of inner strength that you never knew you had, both for yourself and for your baby. i can imagine that it's very hard to not let fear drive your actions and reactions right now, in a time where you are about to become a mother for the first time.

do not let yourself think that your H never loved you. back in the fall of 2008, my H suddenly decided that after 9 months of marriage, he simply wasn't ready for the responsibility, and he wanted a separation. it was so out of left field and i struggled so desperately against it that i only made matters worse. i cried, i felt sorry for myself, i asked god why on earth was this happening to ME...but that didn't do anything to make my situation better.

my H was 28 at the time. i refused to let myself think for one second that his leaving had anything to do with me. i think you should take the same stance. if he is afraid of responsibility, or of being tied down, or if he's just stressed out and overwhelmed, that does not have anything to do with YOU. i had to accept that i do not live in my H's mind and control his thoughts, or behaviors, and if he wanted to give up our life together, it was beyond my control.

granted, i wasn't pregnant at the time and i still have no children...but your husband may be dealing with some mental/emotional issues that don't necessarily have anything to do with his love for you. after my H left the first time, he started seeing a counselor and was diagnosed with adult ADHD, which explained a lot of his impulsive behavior, and the highs and lows that we often found ourselves in. my H has - for his whole life - felt the need to cut and run rather than deal with something when he feels overwhelmed. even his sister has told me that his family just chalks it up to my H just being himself. no one's ever held him responsible, no one's ever made him face the consequences of that kind of behavior.

some of your posts about your H could have come from me...how quickly he made up his mind, how sure he was about his decision. it scared me to death. he did end up coming to his senses a few months later, but now i'm right back in the same place and quickly losing hope.

i'm trying my best to not focus so much on the thought "why is this happening to ME??" because i could make myself very unhappy for a very long time that way. your H will have to deal with the fallout, knowing that it was his decision to leave. it may not occur to him now or in a few months or a year, but it will eventually. but don't deminish the good times and the love you had for each other by saying or thinking that he never loved you. you have proof of that love inside you right now, waiting to meet you. sometimes we have to rewrite our dreams...but don't try to erase the early chapters. they are all equally important to the story of your life!

(((babydoll)))

hang in there!