Not sure what to do

[Young at Heart]

There is an interesting book that my wife had me read, as it was suggested to her by her individual sex therapist. It is called, Still Sexy after All these Years.

It was both depressing and explained a lot. The book was based on the interviews of thousands of women over the age of 50 and focused on their feelings toward sexuality and arousal.

The first few chapters were pretty depressing. It was woman after woman saying things like, "I would rather pick apples, than have sex with my husband," "Wouldn't you rather get a good nights sleep that have sex," "the key to domestic happiness is to feed your man really well, so all he wants to do is go to sleep."

Later in the book it talked about how some women in the cycle of more or less libido figured out ways to cope, to add senuality to their relationship/life, what worked on pushing themselves.

The bottom line was that the book explained to me that some of my wifes ups and downs in libido were probably natural and it gave us both some things to think about as to how to when the libido is low we can add sensuality to our relationship and bond even closer to each other.

Having said that, my wife through both individual sex therapy an and a couples sex therapy/marriage counsel that she had a deep seated anger toward me for things that happened 20 years ago. It took her recognizing it, recognizing that she played a central role in what happened, that what she did to me was exactly the same thing she was angry about me doing to her, before she could forgive me and we regained a healthy sex life. Her therapist told her that the principal reason that older women, who have no medical reason, don't have sex with their husbands, is that they are angry at their husband.

I strongly suggest tying to find a really good board certified sex therapist to see as a couple. It sounds like you have been blessed with quite a wonderful family and have a lot to stay together for.

Good luck.