From what I learned in RV, fogiveness has to be complete. This is hard to do, and the weekend may help you both get there.
The restaurant incident tells her that she may have to live in that shadow of guilt for her whole life. Would you want to if the roles had been reversed? Yes, you wouldn't do the affair. But it did happen. For now, at least until RV if you are going through with it (I think you should), then call a truce.
She saw it on your face. Avoiding wouldn't solve things, but you can say that the restaurant gives you gas. Is she going to try to remember smelling...?!! I hope not!
You will get a chance to talk through those feelings. They'll intro you to a process at RV to deal with emotions safely.
The incident about her fears sounded very real. DB reminds us not to hit on issues that can be avoided and will cause pain. She seems to have come to you with a genuine fear about whether you really want her. You might want to consider going to her today and apologizing for not being clear that you would not leave her alone. You are in this with your love and hat in hand. There's nothing wrong (I think) with acknowledging issues that will need time to deal with. The specifics and jabs can be left behind.
"How bad I screwed up"...her job with the OM, and her slowly rekindling love for you. They're all delicate areas, aren't they? Don't step on things to provoke her fear of being abandoned. In a book I read, "Improve your marriage without talking about it", there was a good chunk that opened my eyes to why anything that made my wife feel like left over stew caused reactions and a bad dynamic.
Can you text her and thank her for giving your M a fighting chance?
Remember, she chose to come back to you on hope and your promise for eventual forgiveness.
Please consider RV or a similar program. I really think you'd benefit even more than I did.
