My H says his family does not support him, and friends neither, but im not sure i buy that. he at times threw in comments that so-and-so said you were mean to me one time and he said i would leave you one day? really? or my friend believes i should do what makes me happy. is that why every one i run into is in so much shock and awe! and then the next minute he will say he does not take anyone's advice and only does what feels right to him. He was re-written our entire life together to sound as if he was never happy and so when he ssys he is much happier now, i am sure they feel he is doing the right thing. the night i recieved papers I contacted his parents, and they basically shrugged it off like what did you think was happening, he said he didnt want to come back? stupid me... i expected their support... but blood is thicker than water. besides...
i am not sure there is OW. probably is... we live in a very small town and cant understand why i can not find out. we know all of the same people. i ran into a few of his old friends, that have reached out to him and they all said he swears there is no one, because they do not understand then why did he leave for no one? i guess he would rather be alone than with me. but why else would he file for D so quickly. he swears there is no one or he would not be living at his parents and he is a FT student so he doesnt work and have money... whatever... i still dont buy it. Something overpowering and greater than a marriage and a baby on the way, some strong force overcame him and made him want to leave... an EA is the same to me as an actual A. He is so down on himself yet he prefers this life. he stopped therapy, and only sent several times, yet he wants to go to coparenting... last week i stress the importance of him needing to go alone before we go together.
i feel like he is having a mental breakdown and MLC all rolled up into one. Honestly i am not sure we can get bck from this... he has convinced himself that this is the right path for him. that what we had was wrong and he is not going back to it.
What i dont understand is that if I had a child on the way with someone I loved (yes, past tense) I would want to try therapy to a) see if we can bring back that love b) try to give the baby a 'normal' family setting c)could this baby be a sign that we belong together. Instead he runs like a coward...
he says the only thing that keeps him going and makes him happy is this baby... but when i mention that he will not be here to bond with the baby like he couldve or to be at the birth, or for the baby to hear his voice now, i can sense that he withdraws and punishes himself and accepts it. why not fight back!!!!!
last week, we had several days of conversations... one night we talked and it reminded me of old times when we didnt live together and were much younger and dating. we talked about the baby and (against all DB efforts) i said to him, we can start from scratch, we can start dating, and see where it takes us. i said a bit more along those lines and he just listened. it was the first time he didnt argue back or say no, etc. i also told him i was not signing the D papers and he understood! but over the weekend the mean words came out and he said if i didnt want a D i wouldnt have filed.
like you mentioned in your thread, i do not want a gofer to help me, i want my H back.
im not sure what my H's issues are. whether there is a OW or not, i feel like he was completley stressed from school, allowed his school life create a distance between us, he was starting to not put our marriage first as the only thing he cared about was school, he looked burned out and stresses in december, and then maybe with the baby he felt like i cant handle this? im not sure... i also think that maybe the baby was a signal to him like 'you will be stuck with her forever'. truth is i dont think he was ever honest with me. maybe he never loved me the way a man should love his wife. i dont think he ever loved me. if you love someone even as a friend, you would respect them enough to try to make it work, especially during a pregnancy. he not only gave up on me but he did give up on the baby too.
