erynfaye, I have always been there for my kids. I usually give them showers and 3 out of the five mornings my W works, I get them ready for school and my S4 off to the sitter. It's all part of taking care of a family. But, as Sandi pointed out, being a good father doesn't automatically mean I was a good husband. I know I neglected things with W and will try to my last breath to make things right. She just won't see it now. She still has her "friend" that she talks to everyday. I have quit looking at her phone and things, but in our limited conversations, things somtimes pop up that she talked to him or something he said. She has always said it is school business. B.S. If I would have taken a stand a long time ago, maybe I wouldn't be here now. Burt, you're right-it is the right thing to do-every day of our lives. What is more important? Nothing. Flow-We find strength every day that we don't know we have. When I get down, all of you guys help me put things in perspective and pull me up out of my hole. If I hadn't found this place, I don't know where I would be right now. Not in a very good place, I know.
Anyway, this morning, she was distant and pissy with me and the kids. She made eggs and bacon for breakfast while I was in the shower, when I came out, there was none for me. How nice. I didn't say a word, helped the kids get ready and watched the news. We were both in the kitchen when I was leaving for work and I just said, "see ya tonight." She said bye and I left. I didn't go and give her a kiss.
This is pretty easy when things are going good, or at least OK. Pretty hard when they're not. Patience, I'm in it for the long haul. I haven't embraced the suck yet, but I get closer every day. Something has to give.
Ahhh, the suck, not your fault she is pissy, do not let it affect you. What no EGGS!!!! Hey man, you do not think it crossed her mind to make you the eggs, of course, she chose to not make you eggs to get a rise out of you, and then justify her decisions of leaving you by the way you treat her. With you being happy go lucky James, this puts a wrench in her master scheme. See how it works. Although, it seems the WAW is acting wrecklessly, it has all been planned out for many months sometimes years. They want to justify their decisions, be the anti-justification.
I know she did it on purpose! I wasn't exactly happy go lucky, but I didn't say or do anything out of the ordinary. I know she wanted me to say something. I know better! I take refuge in my kids, and, I'm ashamed to say, especially my little girl. I love all my kids the same. There's just something with Daddy's little girl. If my W goes into help her get dressed, it always end up with D in tears because Mom won't let her wear such and such. I will calmly go in and W will say, fine, you deal with her. Five minutes later, she comes out, maybe not wearing just what she wanted, but happy that I gave her a part in the decision. The boys are easy to get ready, get some jeans and a shirt out of your closet. They don't care!
My parents have suggested that she may be jealous about my relationship with my daughter. Could there be such a thing? I have never heard of it if there is. Let me know if I'm missing something. Just thinking out loud here and searching for answers that would help me tweak my approach.
No daughters here, said my piece about the boys and how she could ever look into their eyes and tell them that she is quitting, after that, never brought it up again.
I think it is a good thing to let it all out 1 or in my case 3 times, and then never raise your voice again about the sitch, unless something new develops, there is nothing else to be said, and she knows your position. Kinda like seeing you cry, I never did it in front of her, but I think letting them see how much hurt they can cause is a good thing, but only do it once. Never let them see it again. After that it looks pathetic and weak.
Just giving general ideas, not too sure about the jealous thing, maybe just a girl thing (I did have a younger sister, and she was a handful to my mom).
I do know that every now and then I get some jealous feeling when my wife is loving on my boys or the dog for that matter when she has not given me any kind of physical contact that day, but then I feel really bad about it, because everyone needs a little of that, even the dog. I have learned if I act pissy, I will for sure not get my turn, if I act cool and happy, when the dog and the boys are a sleep I get more than a hug.
I did completly break down one time early on in the sitch. She pulled me close and held me and said she loved me and would never do that to our family. Of course, after that, I was still a wounded and sad puppy dog. I was scared to death. I still am at times, more mad now than anything.
I know I did my share of pushing her away. It is her decision to throw our family away for her dreams of something perfect. I have changed. I still screw up, but I am a better person. I know it's time for the "I won't live in an open marriage........" talk and be the man she needs me to be. It just never seems the right time. Fear, I know. Embrace the suck, I can feel it coming and can feel myself getting stronger.
Don't know why I am so anxious today. I think it has to do with Easter coming up. I don't want a replay of Christmas. That was a miserable time. Getting together with the families. Acting like everything is OK. AAUUUUGGGHHH! This is supposed to be the time of year for fresh starts and new beginnings. I need to make my own new beginning, I just want to do it right.
"This too shall pass." I know it will but I need to help myself. God, help me help myself!
All prayers are welcome, and I send mine out in return. I know they make a difference.
My parents have suggested that she may be jealous about my relationship with my daughter. Could there be such a thing? I have never heard of it if there is. Let me know if I'm missing something. Just thinking out loud here and searching for answers that would help me tweak my approach.
I think parents are sometimes jealous of the relationship between the other parent and their child. I guess a tweak would be to include her in that R where it wouldn't be pursuing, and to encourage the R between your D and your W: "let's draw Mommy a picture of ....".
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
