MLC, H and me

[courageous wife]

Well, guys, the appt with my L went ok yesterday! She is going to get some spousal support going so that I at least will have a set amount I can count on. She also said that we will ask for alimony on top of child support figuring that I will need extra because of health care costs for myself. Not positive we will get it but can ask. Also, she gently asked me to really look around this house and see how badly I wanted to stay in it. It is possible, but do I really want to take on all the stuff that keeping up this old house will entail. I have to say that in the 11 years we have lived here, there have been lots of good memories but...my H cheated on me twice and left us twice in this house...it was OUR dream so maybe selling/moving wouldn't be such a bad thing. WE can move to the town where the kids go to school and there are plenty of rental properties. I would just miss the quiet of this town and our wonderful neighbors. My D11 asked me at one time that if dad didn't come back, could we move to the other town...she even wants to look at for sale houses there...ha! Of course, I would not be able to buy a house for quite some time!

I do feel better after talking with my L. I was feeling guilty over asking for stuff but as she pointed out, H chose to file for divorce, he hasn't seen his kids on a regular basis since he left and we will not be able to count on him. I cried on the drive home but they were kinda cleansing tears. This D is moving forward.

I am still praying that my H finds himself and becomes a better person in the end and that he will eventually find his way back to us but I realize that I am no where ready to handle him coming home at this moment. I read the post in piecing and see just how hard it is so I know there is lots of work to do on myself before I could ever be there!

So, today is a new day! The sun is out, I am wearing sandals and am going to start looking at all the possibilities in the future instead of the things I will miss!!! (am counting on you guys to remind me of this the next time I am down!!!) It is time to put H into God's hands and really work on me!!!