New here but have been a voyeur

[Truegritter]

Does it feel more like you're in control rather than apathy? I am concerned that if it's apathy then your moving in the wrong direction. Apathy isn't healthy either. It comes from being overwelmed or out of control. Anger in there too? It's almost like f*ck it...

I wouldn't focus too much on the original goal of MC which was for you to put your M back on track. That is still a goal. I think MC for that purpose is a bit premature.

Instead i would focus on your short term goals of taking control of yourself. Distill all this stuff we've been talking about into a solid plan for you and be prepared to talk about that.

H is leading you around by the nose still. Did you want the MC appt?

When you have time look at some of the other posts you can find of men and their WAW (Walk away wife). You are not a WAW, but you do want change which is sometimes the extreme motivation for a WAW. Look what these men are doing to stand up for their M.

It is VERY painful for what that have to endure when W is in A. But also what they have to do when they turn the mirror on themselves. They want to blame everything on WAW as they sit there complacent. Weak, broken, needy men. The ones who make it go through real changes. They may get the opportunity to show those changes to their W whom they obviosly love very much but they also begin to love themselves too which is the key to this whole mess. We must first love ourselves before we can love others.

Why am I telling you this? I think you should act as if you are WAW. Except you are a WAW who had the integrity to stand in her M, not to look outside her M for some drug to make her feel better. Your LBH (left behind husband)should be doing what all these committed and tormented men are doing for themselves and for their M.

These W's walk away because they don't feel safe or they don't respect or _____ whatever. I think you can get in touch with how you feel about H and your M. What real change would he have to SHOW you? What real change would you make in YOURSELF?

Why is he pursuing you really? Shame? Guilt? Control? Depression?

The men on here have made a decision to be better men. You deserve a better man(maybe H) and a better M(maybe with H).