Good questions Jac - he does have some deep seated issues, but he's one of the most "normal" guys I have known. He seems so stable, but once you live with him for a number of years, you find that his conflict skills are nil. He's passive aggressive, runs away from conflict, and is unable to stand on his own two feet. He's a Libra and blames his indecisiveness on that. He's got a very, very deep seated need to be approved and loved, and that's what I'm hanging on to make this intervention work. He needs his family and friends, and IF his friends go along, it will help out immensely. His mother alone will not be enough, I'm afraid. I need his friends to stop normalizing it. They're very sweet, true blue friends and I really love them. I am counting on the strength of their moral character and love for DH to make them realize the truth, that we need time to heal and they are helping split us up. The best man especially was in love with a woman who was verbally and physically abusive and just split with her but still loves her, so when DH told him I was volatile (not true, except that recently I had blown up - I think it's unfair to judge 11 years of good with a few months of bad - which was only about 3-4 incidents) - anyway, when he told him that, he of course sympathized with him. He's never spoken to me about it so he's totally believing DH right now, and as friends are wont to do, he's wanting the hurt to just stop.
