help some advice plse..have i finished it for good

[JacT]

Thanks everyone.I try and answer all your points.

My H went through a very angry period and my eldest daughter took the brunt of it.He was definitely depressed.

He then he had an EA on the Internet.He was really screwed up, distant, not sleeping, not eating properly.He was a completely different person..agressive at times, not physically..verbally and I had never seen that in him before.He wasnt coping with his new job as a gym supervisor.Low self esteem, just didnt like hmself.


I found out about the affair through txts on his phone.They were childish but him telling her not to txt and her saying well if you dont txt me...When I challenged him he jsut blurted it all out. When I asked him if he was prepared to give the relationship up, he said no as she had boosted his confidence.(but he had actually dumped her week before).

He didnt want to go but I put him out..he just kepy walking back and forth saying F.... F....I said F...that youve been caught.I thought he would go to his dads..never crossed my mind he would go straight to her..which reflecting back was stupid.

I then went about telling my family, his family and our friends.(He has to date not told anyone he works with but they have heard stories from the other staff members).Anyone who knows us, I have told about the affair.(he didnt even tell an old neighbour who went into gym..told her we were all great and that he would passon her regards).

We have a close mutal friend and he told him the complete opposite of what had actually happened that night. ie As if it was him who told me abt A and that he wanted to be with her.I can only imagine the lies he has told her. I regret giving her my man(she says she always gets what she wants.)

I met her a couple of times and never dreamt he would give her a second look.She is an expert at manipulation and seeing when men are vulnerable.She is responsible for several break ups in the gym.

He has some very deep rooted issues that have been with him since childhood.

I have seen him 3 times since we split.All meetings I arranged to try and sort out the relationship with our youngest D. She wrote him a letter about how she felt and he wouldnt take it.A coward.My H was dedicated to his girls and started off by wanting to see them every day..as time went on he said it wasnt fair to be here every day.The girls just refused to see him.The ow said they were doing it to try and get him home.

I havent never said he can come home if he wanted.I was scared he would reject me and at that point I couldnt have dealt with it.I have always made it clear I would not divorce him.As you see we have had probs earlier in our marriage and I divorced him(probs related to CH). It was a mistake and I did far too quickly.

The first meeting was 8 weeks out and when he arrived at the house said it was good to see me, that he loved me, would always love me and we had 28 great years.I wonder on reflection if he was expecting me to ask him to come home?

When I asked why he had affair he said it felt right.The OW has accepted all his issues and the behaviours that come with it.Although I truly believe he has been conservative with truth.

He said he had not thought about the implications of the affair. He has shocked everyone with his behaviour.

I believe he feels we are better off without him and that he has hurt me so many times with an affair on top, that I should meet someone else.
That said I believe he is still in his fantasy world.He said it was torture not seeing his kids yet the only contact he made early doors was txt.He has made not attempt to come and see the girls.
I believe he is disgusted with himself and riddled with guilt.

I initially went NC thinking if he wants to sort the relationship with the girls then he needs to make efforts too.They think he just doesnt care as he hasnt done anything to sort the sitch out.I never thought he would go 6 months without talking to his children..

I miss him terribly but not sure what space he is in or if we could make things work but would be good to have choice.