Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Thanks idontunderstand. Depression sucks doesn't it? My W told me the same things, that I needed to see my doctor, go to C, etc. I thought the same things as you. I didn't need that, I was fine. Well, my W was right again...damn. The thing that frustates me is that I have told my W that my depression was a big reason for my actions, or lack of in my case. If she suffered from depression and the roles were reversed, I would give her a second chance knowing that the depression could have contributed to the behavior.

Doing some very late night/early morning journaling. Doing some thinking tonight. I think I've come to realize that without this separation, I would have never made the changes that I needed to make. I was in such a hole that I don't think I would have ever climbed out unless I had some time on my own. I'm learning a lot about myself. Yes, I would have preferred to have stayed together with my W and worked out our problems but I'm not sure that would have been realistic. I think we both needed time on our own. We both needed to become stronger people individually. I've heard the term "co-dependent" thrown around so many times. I think it's an overused term. I don't think my W and I were co-dependent but we weren't where we needed to be in our individual lives, if that makes sense? When she left 5 months ago I couldn't have been strong enough to agree that we needed time apart to work on ourselves. I was too scared. Now I know that we needed this. I'm hoping that we can take this time to work on ourselves and in time get back to our M. I'd love to be able to have this honest talk with my W one day and tell her she was right. This was good and necessary for us. I'm strong enough now to admit this. I just hope that this time away from each other doesn't mean the end of the M. I hope that it's a time for growth. Too many good things in our M to walk away from. We've had 19 wonderful years together. I'd give anything for one more day with her...