At our mother's request I tried to talk to my brother K Friday night. We had a falling out. He pressed me on where I now stand with respect to his STBXW and I while I tried to be diplomatic, I was candid with him. I told K that his STBX has by her various actions taken sides against me and our family, in favor of my ex and her new H. Given that, there is no other conclusion I can draw but that my STBXSIL has turned her back on me, my brother B, our mother and our side of the family.
My brother continues to irrationally support and defend his STBX. I can only partially understand his stance. It has crossed my mind he might be trying to DB her (although I doubt he knows of that approach) -- if so, I can say it is simply not working, not in his case.
So my brother got extremely angry with me. He tried to pass off my assessment as being tainted by my anger, that it is bitterness that causes me to react so. He further defended his STBX for "wishing happiness" upon my ex and that I just need to let my anger and animosity go.
What K said about my own anger and bitterness is indeed a great detraction from my position -- I understand that and am keeping that very much in mind. But what he is refusing to see is that my reaction to this one precipitating action by his STBX, giving her blessings to xW, is born not of what is done to me, but what this portends to my bother, K. My STBXSIL giving aid and comfort to my ex is a very crystal clear indication that she is now revealed to be sympathetic to someone who would destroy her H and rip their family apart -- and that was something that his W had expressed extreme shock, dismay and disgust not too long ago, to my very face. It reflects a duplicity that I find a great danger to my brother, as he is foolishly accepting her word at face value and assuming that his good will to his WAW will be reciprocated, quite the contrary. K's WAW is showing where she really stands and he is refusing to see it.
Or rather, he can see it, but he refuses to acknowledge it, for fear of rocking the boat.
So my brother blew up at me and threw his phone down -- and walked away in irrational anger. At that point I decided it was pointless to say anything more to my brother, as he was going to defend what he knew deep down was undefendable. And he was getting angry at me for forcing the issue out in the open when he'd rather pretend his WAW was going to honor her assurances to him and that she would be fair and cooperative with him for the sake of their kids. His WAW has gone back on too many of her words already -- K knows this but he doesn't want to face it.
So in his eyes he has to make me out to be the one who is just too hung up on my ex's remarriage, and for that my words should be given no weight. He doesn't want to see that while I am indeed angry and upset, it derives from a whole other set of reasons.
I am leaving K alone now, for a while. He sent me an email the next evening saying he apologized for getting so angry, and that he'd talked to his STBX -- she was not going to speak anymore with my ex.
I sent him a reply restating my position, that I am still concerned for him and his own welfare, that I don't like seeing him willingly falling on his sword for someone who has now proven to me she would never, ever do the same for him. I still love my STBXSIL, but I can no longer trust her, especially where K i concerned. I also told K that I had decided I was going to leave him alone and let him work this out on his own -- I am always concerned for him, but I won't lend him my counsel unless he wants it; until then he knows where he can find me.
What's the pity is that xW swore to me that she would never come between me and my family and friends. And yet she has done that very thing.
