H is still pretty mad, but the things he is saying is leading me to think that HE is rethinking his position.
He is claiming that he hadn't made a final decision on the separation and that I hit the nail in the coffin by telling his family and our friends what's going on. He seems to think there's no going back from that, and he seems to be really fretting about that idea, that I might have made it final.
Of course talking to his family didn't make anything final, but the fact that the idea of it is really seeming to shock him awake is giving me a bit of hope.
Of course he's still been making me miserable every chance he gets today over my spilling to the family, but it's taking on a more desperate air, and less a "I'm so happy with my decision" type of attitude he's been having lately. Though he is trying to blame the separation and potential D on me still (annoying, considering I have done nothing but state over and over that I DO NOT want a D and that I DO want to work on our marriage).
I don't think he realized how seriously I have been taking this separation (or whatever round-about term he's trying to call it, and believe me he has a lot of them; non-romantic relationship, platonic relationship, platonic parenting, non-emotional relationship). What I am trying to get through to him is that this is no joke, I am taking this VERY seriously. I am not moving to WA as a "platonic couple" (or whatever) where this OW happens to reside, where I've never even been and don't know a soul. It's no joke to be messing with a spouses security in the marriage just weeks before a cross-country move like that!! He needs to figure things out FAST and stop playing word games and blame games if he has any desire to keep his family together. And I hope he does.
LadyJane this is good news though. He's taking a reality hit and he's a bit off his game now ya?
Good good good.
He will backpeddal, let him go all he wants... Let him take his pokes and jabs. If he is downright mean just put your hand up and walk away. Tell him you are his wife and deserve respect. Then walk away cause he's not gonna give you any. It's effectively a time out for him.
Keep planning those reality jolts... they can work wonders if you have his family pressuring him hard enough.
I haven't talked to a lawyer yet, but I have made a list of names/numbers and plan to get started on that after my first counseling session which happens to be tomorrow.
LadyJane, have you met with an attorney yet to discuss your situation?
Good for you putting your foot down about a move. What a jerk to suggest it. I'm sorry, I know your DH is an alien right now, but that alien is a jerk.
Well last night H came to me and apologized for his behavior, said he felt guilty for what he's been putting me and our son through, said he could understand that bad position he put me in regarding moving to WA and why I would be reticent to do it considering all that's going on. He agreed to go to marriage counseling. Said he doesn't want to lose his family, doesn't want to say he didn't try. I think cold, hard reality hit him once he found out that the family knew what was going on.
I'm not doing a happy dance just yet though. It's going to take more than an evening talk to put everything to rights. I am still keeping my appt with the L and seeing the C. He's gonna have to do more than just talk, he's going to have to demonstrate the changes before I will be comfortable moving to WA.
I'm not doing a happy dance just yet though. It's going to take more than an evening talk to put everything to rights. I am still keeping my appt with the L and seeing the C. He's gonna have to do more than just talk, he's going to have to demonstrate the changes before I will be comfortable moving to WA.
Good. Because he wouldn't be the first wayward spouse to go thru a sudden period of faux remorse.
I still don't trust him. Seems way too early to me.
One big thing is he has started coming to bed at night instead of staying up late and talking to the OW. It's really hard to sleep at night knowing your H is in his study chatting with the other woman, these past two nights I've slept much easier.
Tell me about it. So hard when you know they're with them. Funny, I still wake up at night when he's there, just to feel and see if he really is there. Wouldn't it just be easier if everyone were honest with each other?
