WAW in PA-I Moved Out in Error & D has been Filed

[Quart9]

Journaling:

After getting out of town for a few days I feel recharged. I had a great time at my friend's wedding. I spent most of three days hanging out with my buddies and did my very best to not think about STBXW.

It was tough traveling and not being there with her around "our" friends. Only one or two people asked me about her (which seemed odd) but it was good. There was plenty going on to keep my mind off of her. The ceremony was a little tough (hearing those words ya know), but I wish the best for my friend and his new wife and I still have confidence in marriage.

I felt like I got some of my spark back - not completely back but some of it. What I mean by that is I have NEVER been shy about having a good time and being right in the middle of everything. I just feel like this experience with the S, the PA, and the D has changed me some. Like I should - oh I dunno - really pay attention more to what is going on around me. That's been one of the 180's I've been working on.

In a way I kinda feel like I let my buddies down though. It's not like I was a bump on a log or something, I just kept it toned down a notch or two.

Here's another weird thing that happened. I met a friend of the bride and hung out with her too for part of the 3 days we were there. She was super nice, beautiful, fun, etc. Too bad I live on the other side of the country from her.

I was pretty shy around her until the 'ol liquid courage kicked in which made me realize - I have got to get my confidence up. I have mixed emotions about that part of the experience. In a way I feel ashamed that I was not more aggressive in interacting with her at times when I could tell she wanted me to be. My buddies encouraged me but there was just this feeling in me that made it seem like it was awkward or too early?!

It sucks because I look back now and feel like the impression that she got of me was really not the true me. I can't change that now though and I have decided I'm not going to let it bother me.

If anything it helped me realize that I can get through this and there IS a whole sea out there.