beginning to see the real W

[MrBond]

So Doc, how did the weekend go?

[Dr LOve]

Thanks for asking,
Sorry for not posting sooner but allot has happened with the schooling.
Well it was a good thing that I caught myself and went to the wedding not expecting anything. The wedding was a little disorganized. The wedding march song started and there was no bride to be seen. I was starting to think maybe she changed her mind. But about 5 mins later she showed up. Apparently they were waiting and nobody came to get her to start. I did put my arm around W as we listened to the wedding vows.
The reception was a little slow starting also. I had a good time but there was no music going. I mentioned something to wife about dancing later and she stated that since she “put on weight” she does not like to dance. She gets “winded” but they started the music so late anyway we had to leave to go pick up son I did not get a chance to dance with anyone. BUT… her other cousins daughter is getting married in October so I will have another chance.
Things are going good. In fact if it were not for the lack of intimacy I would be happy. Don’t know how much longer I can hold out.
I have seen allot of changes in wife and I think it is because she has seen changes in me. I received the final call today from the Gov. Grant guy and everything is a go. I have to sign some papers next week and then I have orientation and I start classes on April 12th.
Wife in the mean time has stopped talking bad about herself, has started going back to the gym and working out three days a week.(so Far) and she has been looking for work.
I so want to rush things along but I feel that things are not that bad right now and after I am settled in school and wife has lost some of her weight.(It bothers her NOT ME BTW) and gets a job I think we are headed in the right direction,
I have not been to school in YEARS so that is all I want to think about right now. I look at it as I am starting a new chapter in my life and I want to leave the old one closed.

[MrBond]

Sounds great Doc.

Have you thought of joining her at the gym? I think more activities where you are doing something together is a good thing. Maybe see if there's a class at the gym that you two could take together.

[Dr LOve]

No can do buddy..

IT's a female only place...Interesting idea though....

I am trying to do things with her though. I got this movie for us to watch. “Time travelers wife" and asked her about seeing it tonight but she said she is watching "Dancing with the stars" tonight and tomorrow night. I said that's ok then she started to say something about watching it between something and I told her I could wait until Thursday. So see she was looking for a compromise

[MrBond]

"IT's a female only place"

So? : )

I think you need to do an active thing together. Like ballroom dancing for example if she likes Dancing with the Stars. Something more than just a movie. YOu need to get her doing something with you that will get the blood pumping. Kind of like an amusement park.

Think back on when you two were first dating and you tried to get her to go to the most exciting places around. Something engaging and will get the adrenaline going.

[oldtimer]

Please tell me you don't intend to wait until October, relying on the same non-plan to not-work again??

External events are not going to change your M. If you want a lover, you need to be a lover.

[Concerned_Listener]

Doc,
What do you think is keeping intimacy from happening in your R with your W? What kind of intimacy would you like to see more of? I could tell you were eager to dance with her. It's great that you're seeing some changes in your W that is giving cause for hope.

CL

[Rob1231]

Have you looked into ballroom dancing classes? W and I have been going to them for quite a while now.

Here's the deal: In ballroom dancing, the man must lead, and the woman must follow. Let me tell you, in my own M, this was a big change for BOTH of us.

But once you get the hang of it, you'll discover that it can be very sexy - for both parties - when you start to really take charge on the dance floor.

It's also a real eye-opener as far as communication goes. Learn to give clear directions, and have them heard and understood, without saying a single word. Good stuff!

[Dr LOve]

Rob, OT, CL and Mr. Bond……

Thanks for all of the suggestions. First let me tell ya I love to dance. But because of my leg not everybody calls what I do dancing. If fact when I was single my best buddy used to make fun of my dancing. Didn’t bother me though because I knew the only reason he did it was because he was afraid of dancing. And hey he was my best friend so they are allowed sometimes to be jerks.
L would give almost anything to have my leg / movement back to ball room dance. But I was dealt a hand (Or foot) and I just have to deal with it.
OT … I am not waiting until October for anything…things are getting better every day and who knows...

Let me go back a few years here… ALL of us had the rug taken out from under us when the bomb was dropped. Maybe some had a little “feeling” before but me I was taken Soooo off guard. I knew wife was having problems. I enlisted her sister for help “before something serious happened” but I was too late.
Now I was pretty stable. I was happy and because of my accident learned to deal with life as it came along the best I could. BUT………..
This Bomb wife dropped on me was more than I could handle. I became “lost in the fog” also.
OT… you always accuse me of having “no plan” or “doing nothing” let me ask you this…
How can a person struggling to keep their head above water, save another from drowning?
That is where I have been these last two years... Trying to keep above the water. First my wife had an affair with another man….(My boat sinks)..So I am swimming around trying to figure out what happened… things start to stabilize a little and I lose my job…. I am stuck in this ocean of emotion with nothing to hold on to. There is no way I could reach my wife and help her when I myself was lost.
Well things are finely coming together. I have a direction…It’s like I have finely swam to a little island. I have always said that wife had low self esteem. I don’t think I had low self esteem myself but I felt I was just an “average guy”. Well going back to school has boosted my ego 100%. I feel myself walking taller. IT was allot of work to get this grant. I feel I have gotten a second chance in life and truly feel like I am starting a new chapter that I have total control over. If I fail I have no one to blame but myself. I am pulling out all stops. I have resigned from all of the volunteer orgs. that I belonged to so I can dedicate all my time to ME and my studies
I now have my two feet (ok one foot) planted on solid ground. IT’s like I am now on shore and I can see my wife is still out there but getting closer.
To be totally honest with you aside from the lack of intimacy everything is great. She is always cooking new stuff to please me…always asks if I need anything when she goes to the store…she has even started putting my clean clothes away.(used to just leave them on the bed for me).I hear her talking to her friends about how I did this or that..(Positive things)…
I am almost there OT. I have lost most of my “needy ness” Soon I may be ready to just let the cave man in me out and throw her up against the wall..(Softly of course) as you would say

[Dr LOve]

So on the ligher side...

Today I did some retail therapy... Went out and bought some new shoes for school, a nice book bag and a recorder for lectures.