OK, I am about halfway through DR, through the "taking stock" chapter. I have read Getting Back Together by Youngs and Goetz.
I understand I have displayed some clingy behavior that has made her very uncomfortable. But, if I act as if I'm having the time of my life, will she not think she was just in my way all along? Remember she doesn't feel loved by me right now. Also, we do not have children and she is six hours away. There will not be frequent interaction for her to see changes I make.
I do not think there is OM. It just doesn't fit her values. She disapproves of separated but not divorced people dating, even if the D is just a matter of time. She works a big region of the country and her parents would not tolerate an A at their house. Certainly she has opportunity for a fling on the road, but it is just not her.
I think the speed of things comes from her age, thinking of starting over quickly, biological clock, etc. Also she has a friend finalizing a D that has gotten very ugly about the property split. Also remember WAW's shut down and plan their exit long before the bomb. This has been months in the making IMO.
About the refi, the split is not that lopsided. She took most the money, I get most the equity. Because the equity is way more than the cash, I owe her some money. The mortgage is a 15 year. I cannot pay her and the mortgage the way it is. If I refi to a 30 year, I borrow enough to pay her out and lower the payment to within my means. I do not want to do it because I want her back here helping me pay it together. But, I do not want her to lawyer up and force a quick sell in this economy. If I do not get her back, I will probably sell the house later, because everything about it makes me think of her. Do I keep postponing the refi and push her away further, or cooperate and make it affordable while settling with her?
