Don't suck up all the blame and shame he has directed your way. Yes, you were whole before. You will be whole again with or without H.
You don't need to forgive yourself for what it's doing to your children. Just try to soften the impact and not exaggerate what impact there is. Also, you're not the one who chose this for your children. He did. That's where I'd start forgiving myself. I would remind myself every day that H chose to abandon family and not give it another chance, not you. Now your job is to take care of self really well to lessen impact on kids. That's the only part in your realm of control.
Sweets, you didnt make a choice to hurt your kids. You are still fighting to avoid it. People do make mistakes. In long term relationships people make many mistakes. I havent met anyone yet nor will I in the future I am sure, that didnt.
Dont allow your drama queen to take over now. It can bring you reallllly down. Do your best. That's your goal. Just do your best. (You are doing great by the way, even if you dent feel like you are.) K
I don't think that I expressed myself well. I feel like I've shifted a little closer to detachment and that feels good. H is not willing/able to love me and that's MY dealbreaker.
I'm not going to change anything outwardly. But something is firming up inside me.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Hi Flo, I second everything that the others have said., You have given some great advise to others. Maybe read back over some of the threads you have posted on and you will see.
((( ))))
Me 37 years young!! S11 S7 T22 M14 D final 13.05.2010 Today is the first day of the rest of my life!!! First post: D Day has arrived
Detachement comes in "cycles" too. Sometimes we feel stronger, some weak. It's the trend line that needs to keep going "up" ...
I know. I don't expect this feeling to last.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I hope your feeling is over soon, sorry to see you down. It's a ride. Enjoy the ups, ride out the downs.
You are taking your commitment to this M very seriously and you should be proud of that. Detaching is hard when you're still trying to DB because by it's very nature, DBing is admitting you still care. Hard to detach and care at the same time, ya know?
It was fast from your bomb to separation. You're still reeling some moments.
Oh, and no reply on the Retrouvaille post about what I should do... I'm waiting patiently, guess Lotus is not around right now.
- decorating easter eggs with the children - eating steak - chanting
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
flowmom, if you're doing the opposite of a vegan diet right now, check out the Weston A Price organization. www.westonaprice.org - they're an excellent source of nutritional advice. Not current day mumbo-jumbo, but the kind of advice that allowed our ancestors to live with less disease.
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