It is indeed great work and you have strong supports, you are fortunate that it is WAH and not WAW, as WAH's come back more often...you also know the history better than everyone...that may be good or bad- I'll say good b/c you know his pattern and bad b/c you know his pattern...nothing changes if nothing changes...sigh
All sitches are diff...exposure is good though, just be ready and willing to back everything up when/if necessary.
If they are his friends, they might not really care what your side is. They'll support him whether they agree with it or not. Same as how your friends will support you.
I think if he has a close older/experienced friend who he looks up to that you told, it might work, but as a whole it might not do much good. I know in the beginning you want to tell everyone who will listen in the hopes of them changing him, but in the end they don't because they don't want to get sucked into the drama. This definitely happened in my sitch and a few others.
I think in the beginning I actually alienated some people because of it.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
That's a really good list. I don't really disagree with any of it, but I think you could cover just about ALL of it with:
"I'm so sorry to tell you this, but he's lying to you. He's been lying to ALL of us. I wouldn't tell you that if I didn't have proof, and I really don't want to put you in the middle of it all, but trust me when I say he's lying to you. I hope I can count on you to support our marriage in any way you can."
Yeah, I've thought of that Puppy, but the problem is that these people were there to support our R in the beginning, which as I said I now suspect started as an A and DH wasn't truthful with me. (told me it was over with XW)
Anyway, he introduced me to them and they accepted me, because he had told them that I was his soul mate and his XW was a total witch. Fast forward, sound familiar? Yikes, it makes me sick. He's introduced her to them as his soul mate, and I'm just sick thinking that perhaps it's too late, maybe he's already detached too much... but I'm staying positive. Self-fulfilling prophecy... in any case, it's a gamble, but one I'm willing to take as if I can get them on my side, even just for a little while, I may buy enough time to try to reach him by being fun, etc. That worked last time for us. He's in the house right now and has been for 1/2 hour and never even came to see me in the bedroom to see why I'm home from work early. He never once asked me where I was the entire weekend. I need a new game plan as far as DBing goes, but still going to expose. There's nothing else I can do, if I don't go for it, I will lose for sure.
Sometimes I just want to print off our old posts where DH said he was an alien, he doesn't know why he thought she was his soul mate, etc. and ask him to read them. I don't know how he can make the same mistake twice AND believe this time it's unique.
Allen, that's the problem. He's having fun with her because - well, there's the sex. He won't even let me touch him at all (I mean if I accidentally brush him at night, he pulls away. But because she's taking him out to bars, they're going drinking, spending time with friends, etc. I can't do that because he's totally withdrawn from me.
He's not talking to me at all right now, other than brusque hellos and nothing friendly. Last time, I was able to get him to come around by being friendly, kind, fun, spontaneous, etc. He loves that stuff. I made tons of mistakes, but not enough to matter long term.
As good as your list is, I think it's way too long. Puppy's version is better. His friends aren't going to want to sit and listen and squirm uncomfortably through that list- like before they will believe him. There is such a thing as protesting too much too.
I would make exposure short, share and snappy and don't get into too much detail. Beating a drum too long will alienate some that should be supporters. They will just back away from both of you rather than wanting to get dragged in. JMHO
Also, if you think your H is going out telling his friends this already you need to get exposure done now, if that is the path you are choosing to follow. Otherwise your words will be falling on the ears of the converted.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I think they're already converted. I'm hoping with the help of God that we will unconvert them. It's going to take a miracle. I have some good women praying for me and they'll be fasting on Thursday during our intervention. It's all I have right now.
Passenger I agree with Allen A,you want to emphasis how its clear he isnt thinking straight.When they get into the fog, it is very difficult to seperate fantasy from reality...your H should know that the game is always the same..just the players change. This is why I think he maybe in MLC because he is not able to rationalise his thoughts and think through the implications of his behaviours.He is also drinking(My H did this too very untypical) probably to avoid accepting what he already knows. Pick your time very carefully...
I hope if his friends are good friends they will see the trend in his behaviour and tell him to snap out of it..no matter what you cant live life like this.He definitely has some deep rooted issues Passenger. Any idea what might be at the centre of it? There is something that drives people to do this usually.
Last edited by JacT; 03/30/1009:49 AM.
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
