My husband is addicted to an emotional affair

[nicole8]

I spoke with my db coach today and feel a whole lot better. He affirmed that what I am doing is great and gave me a great perspective again of what my h is going through.

This really has nothing to do with me. That doesn't mean I am perfect, and I really don't want to be perfect anyway. I asked if it was bad that my h and I ml the other day. He said it isn't a bad thing at all, we are married and that is actually a very intimate thing in a marriage. However, I have to know to not take it for more than it is. Which I already know. H has been regretful in the past, but not this last time.

Anyway, the other thing he said is that my h is in a very emotional state now that he doesn't understand and is the only one who can make decisions right now and that he is moving towards a goal that he can't articulate. Umm, yes I agree with this. I think he has no clue what he is doing at all.

I can't change anything and can only be a better nicole. He also said that by going dark for a few days at a time isn't a bad thing. This doesn't mean I should ignore him if he contacts me, but just don't initiate contact. It will make my husband anxious and put a fear in him. Which isn't a bad thing for him to be anxious or upset about the choices he is making....

Also, when he was here the other day and I ask my h "if I told him to march into the house and stay here, would he?", and he said "probably". My db coach said that I shouldn't tell him what to do. He needs to make that decision on his own and he needs to win me and know that he could lose me. Makes sense to me. I'm not some mail order bride....I'm nicole. Totally awesome and worth winning.

This makes a lot of sense to me.... When I have gone dark for a few days at a time my h seems to panic and call. By doing this I think that he is fearing that maybe I don't care anymore. The fear I have is that if I don't call will he give up and say "well she doesn't care I might as well file for d". Maybe he will, maybe he won't. What do I really have to lose at this point....I mean really my m? It is already on the brink of complete failure.