Okay, not asking for legal advice here, just wondering hw the rest of you did this.
Just spoke to my stbxh. He mentioned that he is going to get his taxes done. We are separated but not completely done with the divorce paperwork yet. We are going through a mediator. All our finances are now separate.
He broached the subject of how we are going to deal with certain tax issues. For the first six months of last year we paid all bills jointly, even though he had moved out. Then we sold out house and separated our finances. I offered that he gets the mortgage deduction on our old house (sold mid-year) and I take the mortgage deduction on my mother's much cheaper house that we own jointly with her ( and that I've paid the mortgage on for the last half of last year).
I also suggested that we split the kids' deductions, one each. (One is at college and I pay half of all expenses, the other lives with him but I pay half of food and school expenses and car insurance etc.)
I thought this was a fair division but he got all pissy with me. Launched into his usual tirade about how he supported everybody and I didn't contribute (no, I didn't make what he did because my career had been on hold to raise kids, but my income last year was still significant). He makes about 5 times what I do.
Is it unreasonable to ask him to split the kids deductions? (they will get partially phased out on his return anyway, because of his high income, I think). Is it unreasonable to ask for the mortgage deduction on the cheaper house while giving him the deduction on the more expensive one?
We are in a community property state, btw.
(PS - The irony is, he's now dating a woman in a career who will never make much money - certainly not as much as I am.)
No, I never responded to you before, but I want to support you on this. I think you are making a very "generous" offer to a man who, probably, left you, right? If I were you, I wouldn't be so generous, but that's just me.
I'm not familiar with your sitch at all, but being a LBW, I understand your hursts and fears, and I fully believe LBS should take the full proceeds of what the law has to offer.
I am personally going through my own D right now, and mediation comes up on April 15th, tax day. What an irony! Anyway, I presume you have an attorney. What does he/she say about all this?
from poet, who is "rolling down a no-come-back track."
During our separation (two tax years) I created two sets of tax returns each year -- one filing jointly, the other two forms as married but filing separate. I then presented them to now ex to allow her to decide which she wanted to go with -- either commingling the incomes and deductions together and splitting 50-50, or else separating all these separately along purely personal lines. She always chose the joint return because my income and my deductions were much more substantial at the time compared to her own -- she came out far better ahead than on her own.
Perhaps you might be able to figure it out a couple of different ways and choose the one that offers the best solution for either or both of you? Not sure if it would be worth the effort in your case or not, but just a thought.
Is it a question of principle? Sounds like you want to have a fair division of deductions and him being thankful, whereas he wants to grab all deductions and you being thankful he earns that much.
In my situation, since I make 8 times more than XW, her L offered me the 2 kid deductions/tax credits in exchange for something else (higher alimony buyout). The deductions actually benefit me much more than they would her anyway as she does not really earn enough to pay any taxes.
No Code's idea is a good one. Keep in mind, if you file jointly, you'll probably both be better off, and, if you don't, he has more to lose. So, I'd come up with a plan to file jointly that makes you better off than if you file separately. If he doesn't like it, he'll be the bigger loser.
As for what happens next year, have it specified in the D. All this is purely business, don't let him play you emotionally.
Surprisingly, it doesn't make much difference for me if I file married filing separately (versus what it will be when I'm divorced). For him, I don't know. If we come out ahead better filing jointly, I'm game.
I just wanted to know I wasn't being unfair in some way. Of course I'm not.
OT - I'm just grand, really. Disasters happening left and right in my life, but hearing the ex bitch at me on the phone just made me really happy I'm getting divorced from him!!! Giddy, almost.
I'm drumming, new guy is warming up - life is so good.
You are a caring, trustworthy woman and trying to be fair with an alien who doesn't give a rat's ass. I did the same - made a decent offer with my ex during the first year of taxes. My kindness never ever did me any good. He cared about nothing - only himself. It was always "all about him" - just as your ex is behaving.
So - my advice is - do what is best for you financially and let him deal with his own mess. If it makes you feel better to be fair - do it - but do it for YOU!
And the advice about putting it in your agreement as to how to file in the future is right on the money! DO IT!
It amazes me that the person we were married to for so long can behave this way but I see it time and time again. They are out for themselves and that's that! Especially when they're already in a new R.
