OK, I decided to post the plan of attack for the friends here. DH has introduced her to them as the soul mate he's been missing and they believe him right now and haven't gotten my side. It's a bit long winded, but I know these men and they will listen to it. Please provide your thoughts.
Friend script
1. I know you know, so don’t have to feel badly that I'm here, there is no hiding or covering for DH necessary 2. it’s natural for the friends of people in pain to want them to end it quickly, but that’s not always the best avenue to take 3. I’m here to say he’s done it before and this time is no different other than him involving his friends at her insistence. Every time (with me and last OW) he was totally in love, it was his soul mate, he planned marriage right away. 4. A’s are addictive – read a bit of quick info so he can see 5. A’s thrive in secrecy and by him accepting her so readily, it’s giving DH the acceptance and rationalization to continue with A 6. give stats about affairs and how they end in general 7. his story about my craziness is extremely inflated – controlling and suicidal – go into my past and why I had a brief period of depression so that he understand where I was coming from (with a married man with children, worried about them, two XBF who were killing themselves over me, losing my dogs) – it’s typical that the WS will make up stories to make themselves sound better – not trashing him, just explaining 8. he’s hurting the children and the house – give him examples of how he’s abandoned them – plus losing me will be a long term problem given their past and what they’re going through now – those kids need me daily. 9. he’s giving up a life we built together without trying to fix - he runs away from problems and always has. 10. he’s drinking constantly (not typical for him) – show him the past post where he mentions that he self medicates when he’s in pain 11. tell him about how you want to respect him and you want him to respect himself. If this was supposed to be, it can be later. Right now it’s infidelity and that’s all it is. I can hold my head up high and say I did everything and I want the same for him. 12. mention that he’s asked him to lie for him, doesn’t’ sound like rational, caring Michael we all know and love 13. his mother and stepdad were through this with me in the past and won’t support him if he leaves me – she is ready to cut him off – his family supports me knowing what they know 14. we’re going to retrouvaille to try to work on m 15. give him the best man speech to wrap it up – he was the best man for us before and stood for the M, will he please stand for it again and say no to the OW and let our M have a chance to heal? 16. will he stand with us and do an intervention – we have to hit it hard and be a solid wall to counter his biochemistry right now 17. answer any questions he may have about me – I’m an open book 18. leave him the past posts for proof if he wants to read through them
