Mb, please do what's right for you, and do it whenever it's right for you. I suggest that you communicate with him by email whenever possible. You really need to limit conversation with him, for your own sake.
How are things going with the kids? Are you able to concentrate on them when you're with them?
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I'm going to ... move in when he is out of town for those 4 days, and when he comes home, tell him I'm staying in the house and keeping it for me and the kids.
Even just say "I'm staying in teh house and keeping it for THE KIDS"
Set an example and show him where your priority is... Don't even include yourself... It sends a solid message.
If he complains just tell him the last time he was there he didn't even WANT his kids around and it was clear to you he had someone else there...
Again I don't reccomend confronting him in person, and its best that someone else tell him all of this, or at least if you have to talk to him in person make sure someone else is there to run interference and keep him under control.
It's nice not communicating with him at all right now. I know I will on some level for the kids, but I'm no longer making excuses to contact him.
I'm doing good with the kids. Other then my breakdown on Saturday for a couple of hours, I ended having a really good day with them on Saturday and Sunday.
I feel bad that I haven't kept up on others sitch's lately. How are things going with you?
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
You are almost at at that great point in the db busting process when you have complete control over your choices.. its a great feeling.. it took me a lot longer to get there than you too.
Things are pretty stable. But I know that the clock is ticking to D. I'm working on being ready for that.
Glad to read that things are going well with the kids.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
He definitely seems to be in a bad spot. Which is honestly good. I like that you are not backing down on the D issue. Let him do the work. I also like that you are reclaiming your home.
It's like you are saying that his actions are not going to turn you live upside down anymore. You are standing up for yourself.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
I agree on all accounts...stress the parenting, limit your contact, and for goodness sakes- HOLD ON TO THIS CURRENT ATTITUDE- it's absolutely priceless, and exactly where you need to be
Thanks everyone. It's amazing how many of you have told me what I needed to do and the attitude I needed for months, but could never do it. I feel so much stronger now than I did a few weeks ago. I'm not sure if my new attitude will fix my M and stop the D, but I now know that I will be better off for it no matter what happens. Thanks to everyone here that has kept me strong and kept giving me advice, even when I didn't take it and act on it.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
It's all good mb, we just tell you what we can... eventually it kicks in.. it does take time.. and again for the record, you got here much sooner than I did.
