I don't believe in unconditional love... that is ridiculous and fantasy movie stuff!
Jamie,
I may well be your husband. I have not read your story, but must say that my resentment is so strong sometimes that I feel like...
I have been married 15 years now. I gave my wife and ultimatum in Fall of '08 and we've had more sex since then, than our entire marriage combined. She has awakened to the pain it caused me. I will say this... You have no IDEA how it has affected his entire life from how he interacts with friends and family and your children to work production and ambition in life. He has been so hurt that if he's like me he has cried alone with tears of pain of feeling hopeless and lonely.
My wife has said the same to me... ie. she'll do it whenever and where ever anytime. The problem is that I don't believe her. Yeah, we've had more sex lately, but I cannot count the amount of rejections and the times she said she'll try or "I promis we'll have more." or "If you do this or that"... I fulfilled everyone of her requests to make it happen. In fall of '08 she had no more requests and I was done. I was so exhausted I turned apathetic and indifferent and said when the kids are graduated, I'm outta here!
She lied so many times about trying and doing it more I don't believe she has changed yet. We just had an arguement about her not making herself available at bed time. From not getting the kids to bed to coming to bed and then just rolling over.
The comment about your husband acting like a child? F--- yeah! I'm betting you acted like a child being forced our coerced into something, but your husband (if he was like me) knew you had a right to say no and you used and abused that right to extreme in your marriage.
I have yet to figure out why I get triggered by comments she'll make and other things she does because they all happened at times she would get at me for doing those same things (but it's ok for her to do them?) and at a time when she was refusing me nightly for years.
My libido is lower now than then. I am not sure if I suppressed it or that it is a natural occurance. I am 38 and in phenomanal shape, so it's not physical. I am do not want to toot my own horn, but I am goodlooking and have 2 small businesses that I run. She admires this like a mole on her hand, or atleast that is how she use to treat me.
What can she do? Make herself available. Come to bed expecting that I want it. If we don't it should be ok, and not to use it against me (which she does). I use to want it nightly, but sometimes I'ld rather sleep than to deal with my emotions. I've caught myself crying while in the act with real tears.
She can tell the kids that she needs me to give her a back rub and lock the door (she's never done anything like this).
She could give quick bjs now and then. She could do quickies in mid day weekends. These are things I've asked that would help. They haven't materialized at all.
Variations to just mission style. She could initiate. And she will have to do these things indefinitely until I am heeled. Menstration time she could do other things (still alludes her).
