We have ALL been where you are, each person may define and/or utilize detaching differently, but the end result is the SAME. It is for your mental and emotional health that you must learn to do this.
Don't beat yourself up so much..it takes TIME to learn these necessary tools, also time to learn to use them; Rome wasn't built in a day, and you won't learn these things overnight. No one does.
But, once learned, the changed behavior will affect your relationships with others, and it is a more healthy way to live.
I found that once I learned these tools, and utilized them, I also learned who my true friends were. Surface and shallow-thinking people quickly drop off and walk away when they learn they can no longer manipulate you.
Your growth can be threatening to some people, because your attitude becomes one of "either take me as I am, or walk".
It is NOT arrogance, it is self confidence within that grows as a result of learning who you are; and learning "self-care".
God would have us to take care of ourselves, and be good stewards within ourselves. Even Jesus took care of Himself, speaking up against the Scribes and Pharisees. Also, when He threw the money changers out of His temple of worship.
There are times to turn the other cheek, and there are times to defend our territories. Choose your battles carefully, because not everything is worth fighting for; only what will affect you in the short and long term. Only you would know what would be a wise choice for you.
There have been times I have been instructed to fight back, other times, I've been instructed to back down and leave things alone for a time. Still, other times, it's been left up to me to do what I thought was right. He will advise you as a friend, but He will NOT "tell you what to do". That would fall under tampering with Free Will that is given to all men as a gift.
Detachment is but one of those self care tools He can equip us with, if we allow Him to guide us toward that. In time, our understanding is increased, and we will go on to learn things we were NOT taught growing up, mostly because our family life was so dysfunctional.
Everything I learned, was NOT taught to me as a child..I learned it as an adult. And it went against EVERYTHING I'd been taught, even down to my core beliefs; it rocked my very foundation.
When He was guiding me full-time all those years ago, I was taught a great deal. I learned through those times to trust Him more fully than I ever had in my life.
And I still ask Him for help, even now; when things are not clear, and look a little muddy.
He will help you, if you will ask Him for guidance and understanding; and stay open to Him.
He really does have our best interests at heart.
One thing at a time, one step at a time, learning as you go..you'll be fine.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
