Thanks HB... You always seem to know exactly what to say to help me see what I am not seeing...
Learning to not allow whats happening to affect me is my biggest struggle.. I will continue to work on this.
I fear you are correct, that if I allow myself to competely detach and give it all over to God that somehow, it is FINAL, its the finality of it all, its as though I too am saying it's over and am resigning to it, to him. When I am not. I see where I am confusing the two... By detaching, I am possibly loving him more, by letting him go, changing my behaviors because I am not trying to control anything anymore... and this too will be healthier for me while I continue to grow and change.
If it were just a natural behavior.... UGH. these learned ones are something else...when you have lived the way I have for so long ( unhealthy as it was, I am now learning) its still difficult.
Thank you for your words and caring. I appreciate it.
