No one said it was easy, but detaching from harmful behavior/drama and toxic people is necessary for your well being.

You see what goes on but do not allow it to affect you..that is detaching. It is a learned behavior, not a natural one.

You want to help, but know you cannot, and so you learn to let go, and allow God to work within a given situation. As long as we allow the given situation to affect us, we have not detached from it.

We choose our reactions, and therefore we choose NOT to allow someone's behavior to affect us.

It is all part of letting go, R2. It's difficult, but it can be done. I think you're afraid that if you detach you will no longer love your husband, but that is NOT the case. It is possible to love from a detached point of view.

Separating the behavior from the person is very necessary, you love the person, but do not love the behavior..and refuse to allow yourself to get sucked into their drama.
As long as you continue to get sucked up in the drama, you harm yourself emotionally.


I cannot give you any steps to begin to detach..this is something you must learn on your own; with His help.

I can define it, explain it..but detaching is personalized.

Face the fear you have within of detaching..you are afraid it will kill the love if you do this. You will find that fear is unfounded.

You will also find that because of love, you CAN detach from the situation, keeping it from hurting you, because you also have to have enough love for YOU to detach yourself. Your children need you clear headed, not stuck in confusion.

It was hard for me, too, but I was able to do it, and see, after I did it, that my love for my husband was not altered or killed..it still existed...I just loved him enough to let him go, and loved me enough to detach from his drama.

It is also part of the control lessons we must learn..the only person we can control is ourselves and not others.
So, we MUST let go of them and stop fighting for "other control" which we don't have, anyway.
We must recognize our powerlessness to "fix" a situation that is happening with someone we love, and detach from that situation; knowing we cannot do anything to help.

I would have been a horrible emotional mess had I not learned this and quickly enough to help myself.

Do not know if this will help you any further, but it is all I have in the way of knowledge.

Have a good evening.

Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.