Please keep reminding me to keep my expectations low.
So noted; read above statement, Cyclone.
OP, you will not get any 2x4's from me. Your advice is sound on the money.
Each person is different in their love languages.
I get the feeling that if you ask her about OM, she will shut down and run away; so you're right, don't ask. You will know when OM is out of the picture completely; don't know how I know that, you just will.
Quote:
All told there were many more positive steps than negative ones this weekend. I am working like crazy to not fall into a place were I feel like things are going back to the way they were.
Understand that however they may come back, things have already changed, and not be the same, ever again. You have already changed, she will continue to change. Continue to go on with your life, don't get sucked into any drama she might create, treat her as you would a friend, and go no farther for now.
The camping trip will be interesting, if she holds to her decision to go. So many things changing, and you're scared, which is understandable.
Slowly, slowly she creeps forward. Got my fingers crossed for you, and your family.
Quote:
Growing up I didn't have a role model of displays of affection and my W needs this from me. I see now that i've never really initiated that sort of affection, I've just responded to it. I want to work on changing that but feel that it is still too soon and would be too much pressure. I have been taking more opportunities for casual touches. I think that is all I can give right now. It is so hard to restrain myself.
The opportunities for casual touches are fine. You're right, it is too soon to try for a little more. Do more of what works, less of what doesn't.
Most men think it is enough that they are out working for a living(acts of service), and they were never taught to give affection outside of the bedroom. I will say my husband is the opposite of this, he gives affection and says "I love you" freely, but withholds other things, like compliments and such that would be geared to build my self-esteem..not his fault, just the way he's built. I have to remind him sometimes I like hearing compliments from him. And, I just take what I can get in that way.
If I didn't build my own confidence, etc., within me, and had to depend on him for it, it would never happen. That's why ALL things come from within ourselves; we can never depend on any one person to provide what should come from within us.
I'd say you're doing fine, just keep working on yourself, keep half an eye on her, continue with low expectations, she seems to be coming along all right.
Babysteps, and time on your side, again, low expectations; continue to wait and watch.
Keep us posted on what happens.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
