Passenger, I think dropping him off had more of an effect on me than him. I felt a lot better about myself not putting up with that BS, and showing him I won't put up with that BS. He came home this morning shrugging it off, pretending the whole incident didn't happen. He is definitely in a stupor as to other's emotions, but I am not sure if this is because of the alcohol, or just plain selfishness.
He BLEW UP today when he learned our friends and family know what's going on. He accused me of betraying him. Told me I lied to them and am a liar. Said I am trying to take away his friends and family. Told me I had no right and it wasn't my place, that he should have been able to decide when and how to tell his family. Said he's never going to talk to any of them again. Said that since I did that than things are DEFINITELY over...However, I've been hearing from him at least once a day that things are Definitely Over so it's not like I'm taking it any harder than I did yesterday, and the day before. In fact, it seems to be easier to take as he keeps playing basically the same card over and over...
THEY ALL SAY THAT LJ.. HOneslty, I doubt there's anyone on this forum who hasn't heard that at least once.
It's just their emotions blasting out.. he's addicted and addicts throw tantrums... its effectively like a child yelling "I hate you" to thier mother
You know in a while they are going to come back pretending they never said it.
I heard that at last a half dozen times when my wife was having her affair... She's still at home now and there's no more OM... She never packed a pair of socks... Its just emotional outburst.. honeslty, we've been there. It is hollow.
We have all heard the "It's over" script.. its classic.
He BLEW UP today when he learned our friends and family know what's going on. He accused me of betraying him. Told me I lied to them and am a liar. Said I am trying to take away his friends and family. Told me I had no right and it wasn't my place, that he should have been able to decide when and how to tell his family. Said he's never going to talk to any of them again. Said that since I did that than things are DEFINITELY over...However, I've been hearing from him at least once a day that things are Definitely Over so it's not like I'm taking it any harder than I did yesterday, and the day before. In fact, it seems to be easier to take as he keeps playing basically the same card over and over...
A: "I'm really sorry you feel that way. I decided that I'm no longer willing to lie to cover up your affair."
And repeat this, EVERY SINGLE TIME he hurls the same spew at--
On second thought, maybe there's a better choice of -- oh, never mind; I'M NOT COVERING FOR HIM EITHER!
It's a facetious "I'm sorry." As in, when someone interrupts you, and you say "I'm sorry, but I don't believe I was talking to you." That sort of a thing.
Oooooooooh... hmmm.. I woudl'nt do it.. the addict may hear it as an actaul apology.. when I had to deal with my wife's affair I tried to be VERY specific and very literal.. she could very easily read what I said a different way if I gave her the chance
I also removed his online access and his ability to make changes from my cell phone account. Not sure if I should have done that or not. I had that account before I met him. He said he was getting his own account so I don't see why he needs visibility into mine.
And I have to admit I didn't want him yelling at me every time he saw a phone call to me from one of his parents. He said he's going to tell his parents not to talk to me anymore but I doubt that will go over well. I don't want to drive a wedge between parent and son but he's trying to block me completely from my in-laws, which are the only family I have down here.
