I thought I was. Honestly, I feel like I am doing my best. Apart from discusions, I am acting the best possible way I cant. Of course the admiration and respect I had for him, have subsided, I dont believe him the way I did, but I cant create these feelings... they have to build up.
naej, it wasnt a fling. And what I need to know has nothing to do with me and "my friend" as you call it. I am desperately longing to hear his perspective on what happened, I want to hear emotions, how he made decisions, what changed. I want to connect with him through his damn affair, feel like there is nothing secret between us anymore, that there is no other persosn alive on this world that knows about my H more than I do. I want to put the past away AFTER we deal with it. Not hide it. It's something that will always be with us in a way, I need to make peace with it, I dont want to avoid it.
I did go a phase like the one you describe, a year or maybe more ago. I am no longer there. I am in this to "win it" not to declare defeat.
This morning he called me and I tod him I felt bad the way we ended our convo last night. He quickly said "me too, I woke up n a bad mood". I told him I wish we could discuss and feel heard, both of us each time we face something similar. He agreed. Ever since things are ok... K
