WAH in MLC with PA

[Mila]

I'm sorry DG, I know how it feels, I've slipped so many times and fired-off angry e-mails, or told him what I think on the phone (even hanged up on him). That's the emotions and stress betraying our resolves. After, I always regret it and feel bad about loosing it.

What is done is done. Next time we will do better, right?

Maybe think of something you can do to show him that you care and that you don't judge him without it looking like you are pursuing.(Some peace offering).

Looks like the OW business is on the "right course" she is probably pressuring him. WATCH WHAT HAPPENS AND KEEP CALM.

[seeking answers]

DG - TF has given you some good advice about typing the emails but not sending them. I've got a folder full of spew laden unsent emails as to how I feel about ow and what H has done, is doing. lol

Made me feel better to say it and get it out w/o backsliding.

Please don't beat yourself up over it. It's over, you've apologized. You've done all you can and this will pass.

(((Hugs)))

[DiamondGirl]

Thanks for all the support everyone.. ((Hugs))

I know it's not nice to poke at the aliens, but I kind of did this weekend.

I spoke to H on the phone about a household matter and casually said to him that I hoped we could reach the point of friends as it would be important when a Stepfather or Stepmother came in the picture.

He said "excuse me?"

I repeated it... and he said "there will be no stepfather!"

I said, "what, I'm not allowed to get remarried??"

He said that there was no way another man was going to be called "dad or father" by his kids..

I said, "well, you called my dad "dad".."

He said "this conversation ends now!"

and I said, "Oh okay.. well have a great day" all nice and calm-like with a little confusion as if I'm not sure what he's upset about...

I guess he never thought of the flipside of us getting divorced.. like another man coming in and fathering his kids too...

[D Money]

In their fantasy world, we will always be here waiting for them. It may be good that you gave him something to think about.

[Mila]

DG "it's not nice to poke at the aliens" got a laugh out of that one. I've been poking my dear alien this morning also. I'll recap on my tread latter.

I think that you've caused a little bit of disturbance on planet Mars with your "stepfather" statement. Hopefully it'll make him think about the possible consequences of his actions.

[DiamondGirl]

My mom helped a little.. When H came by to drop off the kids she casually mentioned that I was out "meeting someone for coffee"... (I was actually grocery shopping)

[Mila]

Good teamwork with mom DG

[flowmom]

Yes DG, I don't think they really realize the world of complication that they're inviting into their lives and their children's lives. The idea of being replaced is only very theoretical to them. I would be careful with that as a DB strategy though...

[Mila]

DG I agree with flowmom about being carefull. Playing mysterious is one thing but making him believe that you are actually dating someone make backfire on you.

[DiamondGirl]

Thanks guys!

No worries on that front.. I only wanted to plant the seed of stepfather reality in H's mind. He'll stew on that for a while now. He takes in everything and keeps processing it over and over.

I'm not planning on dropping any more "dating" hints and mom won't either since she felt uncomfortable doing it the once. Besides, he's already accused me of cheating on him during the marriage so his paranoid mind is probably already imagining me doing it...

Example of his paranoia - SIL said that when I was nice to H on the phone, he felt like coming home and I understood what he was going through and said OW is moody and arguing with him all the time... So I offered to sell his huge (6ft long) empty fishtank currently in our garage and give him the money since I know he's broke right now. I said this on Sunday during the before-mentioned conversation.

Yesterday he sends me an email demanding that I not sell or give away any more "marital asserts" as he will be pursuing equal division in court for them.

I simply replied that it was an offer to sell it and give HIM the money but that I would not make an offer like that again to him and told him I have not given away or sold anything.

That email told me two things: he's still stewing over the conversation and he's unhappy that he has no clue what I am doing in the house and it's on his mind.

Both things mean I'm taking up real estate in his wacky brain right now, which is okay with me!