But today I have spent my day with most pleasurably reading Michele's FIRE YOUR SHRINK! Do-It-Yourself Strategies for Changing Your Life and Everyone In It. 1995. Simon & Schuster. A pleasure because I finally got to read her in English, not in translation. A pleasure because when I find an author I like, I enjoy reading the books and seeing the development. A pleasure because when I was stuck in the boonies and alone with my problems, it was this BB that was a lifeline, a major resource. And a pleasure because so much of what she says in it is applicable to my situation. The biggest is The Solution is Within.
"Believe it or not, the solution for which you ar searching is within you. I realize you may not believe this right now. You may feel that you haven't a clue as to what to do. But I guarantee that, on some level, you know a great deal more about how to take control of your life than you think you do. In fact, after years of working with people plagued by all kinds of problems, I can comfortably say that the only experts on people's lives are themselves. They just don't know it."
That and keeping your feet moving. "No matter what they are seeing, thinking, feeling, or hearing, they must keep their feet moving. As long as they keep their feet moving, they will get to the other side." "The more inactive a depressed person is, the less likely he will get out and do something, and the more depressed he will be about his inertia. The antidote to these vicious cycles is to step out of them by doing what you know you should even though you may not feel like it."
Feet, Don't Fail Me Now...What you've been doing is not different enough from your "more of the same."
"Approaches that usually do not work"
The unsolicited lecture -lectures and advice (especially when given 'for your own good') -nagging -hints -encouragement ("Why don't you just try to...') -begging/pleading/trying to justify your position -appeals to logic or common sense -pamphlets/newspaper articles strategically left lying around or read out loud -=the silent, long-suffering "look at how patiently and bravely I am not saying anything" approach
Taking the high moral ground by beginning your arguments with -"If you really love me...." -Anyone with sense..." -"After all I've done..." -"Look how ill/desperate/depressed I've made myself by worrying about..."
Self-sacrifice/denial -continually operating to keep peace -constantly "walking on eggshells" in order not to upset or anger others -constantly putting the happiness of others before your own -protecting others from the consequences of their actions -putting your own life permanently on hold while you wait for other people to change
A word to the wise: if any of these approaches seems vaguely familiar to you, it's time to switch gears.
"Take it from me, unless you are the one who is motivated to change, you will probably not be successful. You--not your spouse, friend, parent or therapist--have to decide it is worth the effort to make things different. The decision to change comes from within. If you come to realize that the person most concerned about your situation is someone other than you, politely thank that person for his or her concern and explain that you are working on accepting yourself exactly as you are."
"Expect Success."
"Believe in yourself; do more of what works and less of what doesn't; and don't analyze problems to death."
That last one is still on my personal list, darn it! And probably will be until things in my life get more automatic, routine.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
