I realized late last week that the reason I was so upset about the OM last week is I'm scared that my kids will choose him over me. Crazy thought but when did emotion share rooms with logic? The fear quickly turned to anger with W and resulted in a couple of conversations that I now regret and have sense apologized for. Guess this is another one of those bumps in the road I'll have to get through. What helps is when my kids run and jump into to my arms every time they see me. I have nothing to be afraid of. I am their Dad and always will be a major influence in their lives. I may not physically be around them as much as I want but I will be present in their hearts and minds.
You just described how I feel. I am upset that my kids may have someone else in there life but I cannot control. I am upset at the whole lot but you are right..I will be in there lifes forever and this no one can take away from me. I really appreciated this post. Thanks man.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I can't believe I fell for this again. W called me just as I arrive at work this morning. Said in a very serious tone "I need to talk to you." I said fine but could tell she didn't want to talk on the phone. So I arranged to meet her. I sit down with her at a park and she says to me "what do you want?" Long story short she wanted to talk about the D settlement. We've talked about this a million times. She even has a settlement agreement in her hands. I am so sick of her trying to jerk me around.
One other thing while I'm venting. You know what she asked me? If I had found anyone yet. I responded that no I was looking and that I'm using this time to work on me. I probably used this as a preaching moment that she totally didn't understand. I kept most of it check. WTH. Why should it be of any concern to her if I found someone. Like that would make all my problems go away. Is she really that stupid. How in the heck did I ever get involved with such a child.
Why won't she just leave me alone.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
To be honest some of this sounds a little odd. Why would she want to meet with you face to face to discuss the D settlement (in such a deliberate manner) and why would she ask if you have found someone. I cannot quite put my finger on it.
My ex told me a few months ago her personal life was no longer any of my business. It was cold but true. Maybe you should take the same approach with your W. Just an opinion.
That is exactly how I heard it. Please find someone so I don't feel so guilty about destroying our family. Sorry I'm not ready to enter into another sh^&^@# relationship. Been there. Still paying the price.
Just to keep things more on balance and positive, I'm looking into going back to school in summer or fall. Need to pay off some money I owe the school but I'd like to get that going again. I'm about 10 credit short of my degree that I put on hold shortly after the bomb.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
Still working on boundaries. OM continues to be a big problem for me. W won't respect keeping him away when kids are with her. Today we have another argument because she plans on taking kids to OM family's easter picnic. Still a very emotional issue for me but beside that I think it is completely inappropriate. Of course she can't see my pov and now I'm wondering if I'm completely of my rocker.
Once I calmed myself down I laid out what I thought was a good boundary. If W continues to include kids in her adult relationships I will not be flexible with the schedule as I have been in the past. For example I will not allow her to have the kids on my normally scheduled days regardless of her schedule.
I really suck a boundaries so I need some guidance here. Did I cross the line? Is this controlling?
One other thing I threw into the conversation was as we can't see eye to eye on this topic maybe we should sit down with her paster and discuss.
This seems to be a big hurdle for me.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
I don't have kids but it seems to me this is sitch you very much want to control but can't. She either sees the error or doesn't. If you were divorced you'd have NO say in this matter either unless the court determines it is not in the best interest for the kids to be around OM.
Your just going to be banging your head against a wall on this one.
I think doing what you said with schedule won't get you anywhere but into an argument.
Boundaries are to protect you. I don't see how this does that since you can't stop the behavior or control it by the boundary.
Tough sitch man...I would be pissed off too at the utter stupidity of it.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
