She left you. Let her do the work on the refi. She wants the $ out of the house, she can pay for it! Stick up for yourself. Otherwise you are making this easy on her.
Have you read DB/DR? If not, get it and don't do anything until you finish reading them. Stay silent, stay strong, stay away. She came back to you for "a haircut". Let her do that a few times. Be scarce, be mysterious. She is in a new place, don't be her anchor. Let her see how it feels like to be on her own for a while.
It is counter-intuitive. It is not easy. Other folks will chime in who have lots of experience. I wish you luck.
