How much longer in Separated?

[jon2911]

GF,
Thanks! I still wish she would move back, but that's her choice, not mine. It does seem to be closer though. I'll hop over to your thread.

[jon2911]

W had to cancel plans for this weekend, her friend in Austin was being wishy-washy about things and the drive wasn't worth it. She sounded sad and frustrated.

We had a big meeting at work Wednesday night, we all stayed an hour late but things are much better now. Frustrations were voiced at me and vice versa, good to finally have it out in the open.

I ended up leaving my phone at work and went out with friends for St. Patty's day. Called W the next day to tell her what happened, she said she was worried I was in a motorcycle wreck.

Had a gig in Fort Worth last night, called W afterwards and we had a nice talk. I could tell she was feeling lonely. She said she felt like I was avoiding her. I told her not at all, in fact the opposite. We made plans for next weekend here in Dallas. Exciting! Just got done with work, heading to New Braunfels for camping and canoeing. Have a good weekend everyone!

[jon2911]

Had a fantastic weekend camping and rafting. There are some serious rapids on the Guadalupe river, they don't even rent canoes any more. What a rush. Also, my (actually W's) turtle Sheldon was a huge hit on the trip. I decided to bring him instead of leaving him home.

Talked with W most of the way home last night, interesting developments. She drove into Beaumont last night, found it very depressing. It's the bigger sister city of Port Arthur, where her grandparents live.

She also said there is some drama brewing in her family, FIL has convinced her she needs to sell her SUV, and he and BIL are setting it up. It sounds like they want it done quickly, and she's getting it detailed. GFIL thought she should get it detailed in Port Arthur, instead of Houston where it's more expensive. He then went on a tirade to BIL about how FIL is keeping him out of this.

W and her brother have been caught between these two for years. I just listened and validated. I hope she doesn't sell the Nitro, then she'll really be stuck with her grandparents. Or maybe I should buy it? She jokingly texted me that. Hmmmm.

W is planning to come visit next week, I'm excited!

[MichelleLT]

Sounds like a fun weekend!

And so glad W is planning to come visit!

Would she get a smaller more gas efficient car?

[jon2911]

Sounds like a fun weekend!

And so glad W is planning to come visit!

Would she get a smaller more gas efficient car?

No, she'd just drive her grandparents, with the plan being at the end of the year she'd buy it or her aunt's car. FIL has her on some kind of 1 year debt plan, and this is part of it. Thus, GFIL's consternation. He doesn't think she should sell it.

Thus also, my feelings about. It makes it much harder, or impossible, for her to move here if she has no car. What to do?

Text today: "I hope your day goes well. Hang in there and knock their socks off babe"

[jon2911]

W had informed me she had plans until Sunday, but would come in then. No big deal, at least I thought at the time, I had weekend plans anyway.

Friday night, got off work and went on a long drive into the country. Stopped at one of the 50 best barbecue places in Texas, love it when I can make it out there. Then got some work done for job #2 and hit the gym. It's a super nice gym I rarely make it out to, I really need a higher membership to get in but they haven't given me problems yet. There are TV screens and iPhone docks on every machine. Watched March Madness, great stuff. Also, an old movie "40 First Dates" came on. W and I went an watched it our first Valentines Day in 2004. I was surprised how much it got to me, I was bawling in the gym.

It's the one where Drew Barrymore has a head injury and loses her memory every night. I remember reviews at the time comparing it to Groundhog Day. Her dad and brother are very suspicious of the Adam Sandler character (familiar), and think he should leave her alone because of her injury. She eventually overhears how he's giving up a dream of sailing to Antarctica to be with her every day, and decides to tear him out of her journal and forget about him. Ouch. He honors her choice and even helps her burn the pages. Several painful scenes where he runs into her and she has no memory of him.

Finally, he decides to leave on his sailing trip, but turns around at the last second. She still doesn't remember him, but has been dreaming about him every night and painting pictures, having no idea who he was.

The scene I really remembered was the end. In spite of all the obstacles they made the life together they always wanted. "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" playing. What a beautiful scene.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-pCn1uJGlo&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_pMsHG3BIc&feature=related

When we first watched that movie I had no idea how bad things would get. It's painful to think of how W's as headaches deteriorated, wrecked our finances and our dreams, instead of supporting her I just got angry. I couldn't understand what was going on. Really, I was most angry at God. I still am, but I'm starting to believe He has a plan in all of this craziness.

Great day of disc golf Saturday, worked on my place for a while, then went to watch boss #2 do a standup routine. He really did an incredible job. He performed to a packed theater and held his own with the pros. He's an example to me of chasing dreams and never giving up.

Sunday morning, had a fantastic time playing at church, everyone said how much they missed me the last month. Left church and called W twice, texted "are you driving?" No response. I started to wonder if she was coming all the way from Houston. Then a text that she was still on schedule for 1:00. Ran home and finished cleaning my place just in time for W to pull in.

At her idea, we went to a beautiful place on the lake with live music and bottomless mimosas. I had a few too many LOL. Next door is a Bass Pro that we love to visit together, especially the camping section.

I told W about seeing the movie again, and she said "that's like me, with my head." She got sad. "If I could wipe my memory every night I'd be a happier person".

We headed back to the house, and she really enjoyed seeing what I've done with the place. We took a nap, with some great ML first, and the whole thing felt fantastic. I woke up and let her sleep for a little longer, then grabbed her phone by mistake. It was right next to mine. A text flashed on the screen. Now I remember why they call it a bomb. Need to finish some job #2 work and head to job #1, will write more later.

[River]

Jon
Just read your post. Hope things are ok,
River

[MichelleLT]

Hope everything is okay. Hang in there.

[jon2911]

The text caught my eye because it said "baby" and was from a guy named Mike. W has her phone locked (for obvious reasons I guess), but I was able to see some messages that helped connect the dots.

OM is married, lives an hour south of here, and has spent the last couple weekends with W. In fact, she came from there that morning. From the texts, it's obvious sex is involved, and a little bit of personal stuff also. Stuff about his sister's surgery, her grandparents, even a "with Easter, I won't see you for 3 weeks. That's too long!". Puke.

There were also texts from another OM in Houston, seems to be mostly sex. Also to the dog-sitter guy I was wary about, like "do you miss my kisses?" And "I'm sorry for hurting you, I told you I wasn't ready for a relationship".

I kept my mouth shut about it, woke W up and we took a motorcycle ride, had Italian at our favorite place, and watched a movie. I also helped her fill out paperwork for a doctor's appointment today. At least she wasn't BSing about that. She seemed sad to leave, and said she wished the visit could have been longer, that she's giving up her car next week and felt like this was her last chance to get away. Only, she didn't come here first.

Overall, I'm not completely surprised, but I thought things were getting better. And a married guy? The texts only went back to the 15th, but she got a new phone then so there's no telling. It did seem like a new thing though. I know W is miserable, but I wish she'd start making better choices. I'm just very, very disappointed today. We're not nearly as far along as I thought we were. Where to go from here?

[MichelleLT]

Well, you guys are S. So, in that respect she's not doing anything "wrong" (towards you I mean, although being still M doesn't make it right either). You guys haven't exactly talked about what these visits mean, if it's exclusive, etc. as near as I can tell. (I'm just saying blowing up at her about it will do no good because she can easily justify it (hell, the WAS can always justify it, but hers actually almost fly) by saying she thought you guys were casual cuz you are S).

But if it's not okay with you (and really, WTF would it ever be okay LOL) then it's time to set a boundary. "W, I am not comfortable seeing you if you are seeing other people. I don't think we should see each other for a while" Then go dark or semi-dark.

If you don't want to talk about it right now, then don't. Just go dark and give yourself time to think.

So sorry about all this.

It'll be okay though. Everything always works out, one way or another.