Steve, re your comments, are you telling me that I will never have a future with her due to my actions of the past?
I know a teenager addicted to heroin. I have been volunteering to "babysit" and stay up all night so she doesnt sneak out of the house to get high. Its rough to watch this young kid laying there going through withdrawals or throwing a fit, destroying things and beating on me as I guard the doors and windows.
Everyone deserves a second chance.
Who is willing to give you one and if you deserve it depends solely on you.
I dont know you from adam's house cat, but I can understand how what happened in the past can be a big deal with what is going on with your wife now. And I can see how she may have held it supressed for however long and when she felt stronger about herself or something else you did pissed her off or she just couldnt hold in it anylonger or you didnt over the years "make it right in her eyes," it became a deal breaker.
Think of it this way, infidelity happens to alot of couples. Some end immediately; some survive; and some make things work for years then the hurt and fears and pain resurface and there may nothing that can be done to make it go away. If you were the cheater, you may be thinking, its in the past, I have paid my pennance and stayed with you, I deserve forgiveness after all this time. But it may just be too much of a burden for the others soul to carry.
I agree with what your IC is telling you. You cannot make this out to be you are angry about the current conditions and you are going to "Stand Up Like A Man" and make changes. You may just hear the final, "F**K OFF A-HOLE." Or your wife may just take the hurt longer and what good is that relationship for her or you.
A more loving approach guided by understanding and realization that "love" and feelings change many times over during the course of a lifetime may be your best answer. To exclude and hurt her further will pave your path to demise.
Learn to make yourself happy despite the current situation, show her understanding and try to include her in this happiness when she is willing to accept it. I didnt say there was no future. I said you threw yourself a cliff with your comments.
Sometimes you learn alot about yourself as you are falling.
