I'm not a mental health professional but the advice I see on here that point to MLC say MLC=depression + childhood issues, usually brought on by life changing events.
You should go over to the MLC forum and look at the resources. Not to say that other forums are dealing with tough issues but MLC wise ones have been through all the crap. They'll be tough and you defintely got to check your thin skin at the door but I have gotten immense guidance for my sitch.
Like I said after studying you may want to switch over there but either way you'll want to start taking care of YOU. You will hear this about 100 times before you understand what it really means. Take care of YOU Focus on YOU. There you go you're two more times closer!
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
You were looking for advice on how to respond to WH about supporting you during pregnancy. On the MLC board we say to believe nothing of what they say and 50% of what they do. This is all just talk what action is accompanying this? Did he send you a check? I mean if you want to respond say "OK" and leave it at that. Wait for an action. IMHO.
OP, thanks for stopping by. The only actions have been financial - not stopping me spending how I like from our joint accounts, and working very hard at finding employment so he can bring new money in.
Otherwise he stays away. I think because of 1. fear of fatherhood and 2. the A.
p.s. I don't think he is true MLC because he didn't have depression in lead-up, but rather a truckload of pressures which came to a head at the same time.
Sorry to ask again but is there a difference between an MLC and a nervous breakdown?
I don't know. How would describe nervous breakdown? You may not have known he was depressed. Actions are the real key here. Affairs are drug to self medicate what's happening inside. Sometimes it's vanity or lack of commitment, or just plain irresponsibility. If there is no remorse or it is termed as justified or in your case the dreaded ILYBNILWYA it means H and M are in crisis. Get ready for the rollercoaster.
If you get on this ride it will make you sick. It's not so important IMO that you know whether it's a nervous breakdown or MLC only that you're hoping it's Nerv B. MLC is tough.
Take care of YOU. You can't fix H's sitch until he wants to fix it. Take care of YOU and the answers will come. The only person YOU can control is YOU.
I have a bagful of YOU for YOU!
Stay strong little mama...
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Sorry to ask again but is there a difference between an MLC and a nervous breakdown?
I am not really an expert on nervous breakdowns but I would think there is not much difference. Depression can be very hard to see. It can be called "Masked Depression" which appears on the outside to be perfectly normal. But inside they are in complete chaos. Like TG said they then self medicate. I completely agree that your H is probably scared to death of being a father and becoming a "grown up" That would be part of a MLC. He is still acting like a teenager. He is 40 years old. A prime candidate for this.
Thanks for both clarifying, and if the strategies don't differ that much depending on whether it's nervous breakdown or MLC then that's a relief.......
I don't feel I am JUST dealing with an Affair at all...but the Affair is fuelling him to trash our M ("What we had is broken", ILYBINILWY.etc) and not face the REAL issues (his unhappiness/fear). That's why I am still 'fighting' the affair (exposing, going DIM etc) so we can get that complication OUT the way.
What I am doing for ME and BABY: - going DIM to protect us & to stay calm and peaceful - not having conversations or physical contact with WAH - limiting to emails and only at his instigation - opened my own bank account into which my maternity leave salary will go for the first time this week (I haven't told him) - preparing for the baby's arrival (have done all my classes, borrowed/bought most of the equipment for baby's arrival) - showing him through actions that I am moving on
What I still need to do:
- Work out what to do with our other joint bank accounts. Should I suggest dividing up the money NOW? Without the help of L's? I really want to avoid L's. I don't know what action to take on this especially because he is unemployed and looking hard for work and sleeping at a friends place
- work out what to do with our apartment which I currently live in (and half time with my parents), I can't afford it in a few weeks time, but won't know what govt assistance I am going to get until baby is born
- reply to his email. To the part about wanting to help, could I just write "OK if you want to help". Then leave it up to HIM to tell me HOW he wants to help?
Piano, did you speak to your counselor before going to co-parenting togetehr with him? I spoke to one C and she flat out told me that her practice, a very large and well known one for that matter (both of our C suggested this place too) is Pro Relationship... pro Marriage...
i asked her the steps in this type of counseling and she basically said she has one session with each of us separately and tries to see what each of us ideally believes is the best for us co-existing in a baby's life, and then brings us togetehr to see if we can make it work.
in response to your questions above... let him help. maybe you two can discuss how you'd ideally wish he couldhelp... and just be open to the fact that he may disagree or have different suggestion... he should take responsibility in both you and the baby's life. i agree with you in trying to figure out how to deal with everything with out the L's. H and i agreed to do the same. Why make this harder than it should be.
reply to his email and basically just say that you would appreciate his help!
DB, yes i spoke to the neo-post natal psychiatrist alone before bringing H into the 2nd or 3rd session. the session was very upsetting, highlighting our differences only. it was either poorly managed, or too early for us - or probably too early for ME. Also, in my country, just try to find any counselor who IS pro-marriage!!! I have searched and searched and I live in a secular individualist society (although, interestingly our divorce rate is 1 in 3, where in US it is 1 in 2 almost?)
Also,I couldn't handle what my husband was proposing in the session. When asked what his idea of fatherhood was, he said "I beleive there all are different ways of being a father. I can live on the other side of the world and stil be a father and see my child once in a while. I am OK with that".
Sorry, but I just wanting to hit the roof & subsequently said "Well, what's the different between that and me brining up the child alone. I'll just find someone who WANTS to be Dad, wants to be there".
He has no concept of parenting.
Do you think I should suggest he go back to the counselor alone?
