Do things that she would like, but that don't involve you having to talk TO her.
If there's something that needs fixed, you fix it. If something needs replaced, you replace it.
It's ok to make a plan to go out with friends and INVITE her ALONG.. THAT isn't pursuit... and it shows her you aren't detaching from her too
You can't just become the man she wants you to be.. you need to become the person YOU want to be too or all of this is just pursuit and you losing yourself in your marriage.
The object is to become someone you BOTH can respect.
If there is something you did before that hurt her, like detachment, do something different. It does NOT have to be the OPPOSITE, just different.
HOW did you detach before? Just walked out and didn't tell her where you were going or when you would be back.
This doenst' mean you have to INVITE her ALONG as your primary source of company every time you walk out the door.
You just need to make sure she kNOWs where you are and when you will come back. THAT is an improvement in you, something she will have more respect for, and there's no pursuit there at all.
I dunno, it seems like oftentimes you WANT to pursue her so BADLY right now that you are rationalizing yoruself into thinking its going to help.... we've been where you are... It doesn't help.
Bear with me here.. if SHE is sending you enough messages that she wants you to talk to her, to take her someplace, etc, then by all means DO IT and then exit.
MWD makes this point in her book. If you DO something with your spouse that's great, but YOU be the FIRST to leave.
Don't hover or hang all over the exchange waiting for her to fall into your arms... ain't gonna happen.
That's a perfect explanation of the distinction, Allen.
With the sheer volume of your QUALITY work, Allen, I'm thinkin' you're going to be more of a "Lifetime Achievement Award" kinda guy. The Clint Eastwood of affair-busting.
Again- sometimes it will be accepted and sometimes rejected... Just dont let it effect you if she turns you down...one other thing that comes to my mind- a big hick-up in my own sitch- if you two are together and there is eye contact, be wary of gazing deeply...
I did that SOOO often and it was just plain pathetic...I was letting my feelings show but W was majorly turned off- "why are you staring at me" etc...it made me feel like a creep.
Thats neither here nor there, but be mindful of it...
I say keep with the PDA (pub. display of affect-havent said that since high school...lol)...
If you get serious backlash, just back off, otherwise I think the -"you never used to do that" is a good thing
Sorry if there was a misinterpretation of my last post but I have not argued with my W since this whole sitch first happened on 01/24/10. I know better.
My wife has said some very hurtful things. She did many hurtful things and now she gives me the impression she can careless what I do but I don't EVER argue about her feelings. I suck it up the best I can and carry on.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
