So, I started a discussion. It was a heated discussion. Not an easy one either. He says I am bringing up ghosts from the past when I ask about her. That there isnt just one way (meaning what I suggested about open discussions etc)to get over this. I told him he is selfish, he got really upset and wanted to know why. I told him "I have an issue, I know what I need, you tell me my way it's not the right one, I am telling you this IS the only way for ME, I should KNOW what I need, if you want to help me, try to be compassionate...". I also told him, he brought this woman into our M, he needs to help me kick her out.
We talked about sex. He said "we are not as close as he needs us to be to have sex". I asked how would he be feeling if he was in my shoes : having read all the sex details, having read SEX has been her number one argument why our M was failed and why their R was right, being left behind, accepting him back only to face this kind of rejection. He said, granted I believe him, he would accept the reasoning I would give him (about not being close yet)and that it's not that he doesnt find me attractive, sexy or whatever...
He said, I make him feel like his heart is "invalid", that he cant make me happy. I told him what he feels about himself, is his own problem, not mine. [He needs my reassurance that he is able to make me happy more than I thought possible, I believed all along that was exactly what she did... wonder why I cant give him that]
A lot more was said. He said he appreciates so much the days I am warm and giving to him. He said it satisfies him. He asked if what he does satisfies me... It took me some time to answer "It shocks me". He insisted and I said it makes me happy but it surprises me when he calls to chat and connect. He got realy upset and asked me "why do I have to ask you so many times to tell me I make you happy?". Clearly, I hanlded this poorly...
We fell asleep mad and frustrated. I told him I feel him resisting. He said he is not resisting at all. K
