SCh It would really help to know what's going on in his head, but you don't have that option, actually even if you could see in, you would probably see just total chaos. All I see from your posts is that he is really confused. I think that because there is no OW there are better chances that he will de-fogg sooner...maybe? And he is showing more interest in you then lots of other WH I read about on this forum. So try to look at the positive.
If you go by DB principles; you should not judge him just validate and try to be his friend. Maybe time to re-read Michele's books for inspiration? Or, if you can afford it maybe the Divorce busting coach could help you with some ideas.
I feel for you, I know how incredibly frustrating and painful this is. I wish that I had some magic solutions for you, but I don't
Hang in there (((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
You are asking why he responds the way he does. He is a teenager that is not getting his way. He wants his cake and to eat it too!
You are not buying into his cake eating and he does not like it.
I do not think you have done anything wrong but in not being NC with him you are setting your self up for his tricks. If you don't want to hear his garbage then go dark. If you can bear to listen to it then you might want to set a boundary with him. But don't have any expectations that he will listen to you.
He is ONLINE on a dating site (just entered his postal code, age, and horoscope sign!!).
1) He said "divorced after 20-plus years" 2) We were only like "Roomates" (What? We were intimate every day!!) 3) Looking for romance, and love, and a soulmate. 4) Doesn't want to live life with any regrets. 5) Only acknowledged 1 of our 2 kids !!!! 6) Wants someone 5-15 years younger (well, I am not younger then him, but I look 5-10 years younger).
Oh my, he is still pretty deep in his S***t. He is lost, looking for a way out, anything that will make him feel better and give him some answers to his inner turmoil. Right now he thinks that you are the cause of all of his problems. You have to let him experiment...nothing you can do. Try not to take it personaly.
Detach..detach... detach...don't let this get to you, ignore it.
I'm sorry SCH that you have to go through this. I know that you are a strong girl; you can handle this...right?
(((hugs)))
PS: Just a thought; what if you answered his dating ad under a different name? Maybe you could have an online romance with him, wouldn't that be funny. I'm half joking, any opinions?
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
He is most definitely a confused boy. He is trying to suck you back into the dance of distancer pursuer. Don't do it. You have to be the one to stop this little dance. He really cannot understand why you are not pursuing him. He's very confused and boy, that ego of his took a little beating over the comment about not pursuing...that's okay.
As for him being on dating sites, I'd leave him be....who knows, maybe he's hoping that you'll see it and start the chase all over again. They are known for the dance.
Don't even try to analyze what he's doing...he's just emotionally challenged right now. A year from now, you just might chuckle over some of the things he has said or done. Right now, it's confusing and hurtful to you....detach!
Give him the entire cake and do not share one slice w/him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm glad that you are feeling more at peace today. It helps to come here and talk, vent, ask questions and just plain share w/others.
Keep up the good work.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Oh, bad morning, woke up with that inexorable feeling of dread again.
Dreamt about all the in-laws last night, about trying to reconcile with H and then hanging out with them, and it was awkward and uncomfortable. Knowing now some of the lies he had said to them, and the way they had just gone away on me after decades in their family.
Like my mind was trying to say goodbye, but my heart still hurts.
H comes to visit the kids tonight, don't want to see him, do want to see him.
Have to do NC, understand logically why (sort of, my heart would rather beg but that won't work), but just don't want to.
