Do things that she would like, but that don't involve you having to talk TO her.
If there's something that needs fixed, you fix it. If something needs replaced, you replace it.
It's ok to make a plan to go out with friends and INVITE her ALONG.. THAT isn't pursuit... and it shows her you aren't detaching from her too
You can't just become the man she wants you to be.. you need to become the person YOU want to be too or all of this is just pursuit and you losing yourself in your marriage.
The object is to become someone you BOTH can respect.
If there is something you did before that hurt her, like detachment, do something different. It does NOT have to be the OPPOSITE, just different.
HOW did you detach before? Just walked out and didn't tell her where you were going or when you would be back.
This doenst' mean you have to INVITE her ALONG as your primary source of company every time you walk out the door.
You just need to make sure she kNOWs where you are and when you will come back. THAT is an improvement in you, something she will have more respect for, and there's no pursuit there at all.
I dunno, it seems like oftentimes you WANT to pursue her so BADLY right now that you are rationalizing yoruself into thinking its going to help.... we've been where you are... It doesn't help.
Bear with me here.. if SHE is sending you enough messages that she wants you to talk to her, to take her someplace, etc, then by all means DO IT and then exit.
MWD makes this point in her book. If you DO something with your spouse that's great, but YOU be the FIRST to leave.
Don't hover or hang all over the exchange waiting for her to fall into your arms... ain't gonna happen.
The working out.. is this NEW to you or is this something you were doing before?
When you DO get a life, its more effective in dbing if its something NEW to you that would get her attention that you aren't the same person anymore.
She needs to know you are not that guy anymore, so be sure you are doing something different when you get a life.
