She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[steady]

Of course I want things to work out a certain way, but nothing has given me any indication either way.

Yes it has. You mentioned it earlier. You said you are thinking about the conversation as good and bad. Of course. She gave you mixed messages. You see her as strong and like it on the one hand, then on the same stroke you see her strength may be used against you in the sitch.

You see her talking to you for an hour as a good thing, but then a lot of the conversation wasn't really in the direction you wanted it to. So you focus on the good things..this gives you hope.

Then your mind, in all it's beautiful glory, starts to wander to the parts of the conversation we didn't like. So that takes away hope.

Then you remember you need to detach. So you start doing the mental override thing. It works a little bit. Then you wander back over to the conversation in your mind.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

I've been there. I know the cycle well. Don't worry about it. It's normal. Just keep working on balancing out and finding YOUR center.

I'm just happy I'm doing the right things at this time. It shows how far I have come.

Yes you have. Sometime, go back and read your posts when you first got here. Don't stop moving, don't stop working, don't get fooled into jumping off the path you are on.

[tbart01]

Steady, you want to be my C.....lol

[steady]

lmao tbart.... you'll be fine. It's a hard line to toe. I can see in hindsight where the most important things were with me and my sitch.

The WAS runs a script and so do the LBS.

Just keep bringing your mind back to the present. Just keep bringing it back. And bringing it back.

You'll see it wanders all the time. Just laugh and bring it back. After a while you'll probably stop because you think it's not working because it keeps wandering, and after all, you don't really feel better.

But you do feel better when you get out of your head and back into your body.

Just keep coming back...

[Surviving03]

tbart...PLEASE heed this advice... do NOT push M talk and R talk when you get home... i KNOW i ruined my chances by not following the DB methods. Read DR again before you get home and REMEMBER it, get right into the last resort technique if you feel its necessary... but do not push your wife away by taking small baby steps too far and getting over excited about little things and talking talking talking like i did. Just be the man that you know she wants you to be and nothing else. Im so serious, dont make my same mistakes.

[tbart01]

meg I was wondering where you've been. I hope you're holding up, I've been thinking about you. I'll think about you when I'm there next week.

Meg I really do know not to do that. I will let here initiate that conversation. If you read my post a few days ago, she had asked about addressing the issues and I told her when we're ready.

we are a long ways away if ever from being anywhere near going down that path. I took nothing out of our conversation yesterday other than it was civil and friendly. We have many hurdles ahead.

As a matter of fact, if I went home today and she changed her mind, I wouldn't be ready. She has said too much to try and hurt me for me to allow myself to go through that. i want this to work out in the end, but I have things I need to sort through now.

i love her with all my heart, and I'm grateful she's becoming stronger and more positive. Grateful for her, because she doesn't sound so down and out of energy anymore. However, she's not someone i want to have a relationship with right now. I respect myself too much to let myself be hurt and fooled.

i will re-read DR again before i get home, and I'll continue down that path. Only time and dedication to myself can change my sitch.

[tbart01]

Question for my DB friends. If you remember my W asked last week about addressing our issues and I told when were ready.

My question is if you guys think it would be a bad idea to tell her that I obviously don't want to talk about it as soon as I get home, but I don't want to wait forever.

I would like to have this conversation shortly after I get home, so I know what the issues are. I also would like to know so I can use it during my IC.

Suggestions please

[tbart01]

I'm not seeing a problem with this, but I need to make sure what you guys think. I'm not telling her i want to do it right away, because don't. However, I want her to know I want to do it after I've acclamaited and settled in. I'm talking about a week or two.

[steady]

Good question. I never pushed for any R or M talks. I might wait for her to bring it up. You'll have plenty to talk about during IC session without having the conversation.

What is it you need to hear? Why do you need to have the conversation. Also I wouldn't bring it up beforehand. If she brings it up too soon for you, just tell her that. Tell her you'd like to put the conversation off until you get settled back in.

[tbart01]

m friend steady, always there for me. i don't want to rush the talk but i want t have it. I really want to hear what she has to say. I'm not initiating the talk, I'm just letting her know i still want to have it, but after I feel acclimated.

[peace2u]

just caught up on your weekend tbart and checkin in on ya...

nothing to add right now...steady's given you good words.

you have the 'talk' when you know you're head's on right for the moment.