his previous IC took the stance that he wasn't going to tell my H not to smoke or drink, but that he saw the amount my H was consuming as self-medicating.
I think a lot of ICs take this position so the patient keeps coming to therapy. To me that's a problem. If they know that it makes depression, anxiety, or ADHD even worse, why not point out the facts to the patient every once in awhile? General physicians suggest that their patients quit smoking, lose weight, etc.
I think this is a very interesting and very important point that you made here:
if we were still in our early 20s it wouldn't bother me...but the more i felt i was ready for "grown up" things like a house and possibly a family, the more he clung to self-medicating.
I think a lot of people go through this. It's when people find out no, maybe he was not just an occasional college-aged pothead. He will be a lifetime pothead if he does not QUIT NOW.
Good luck to you with this situation. It sounds like you know what you want.
