how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

i don't think the medicating has to do with me...he's been smoking weed daily for a lot longer than we've been together. i'm sure when things are rough between us it drives him to smoke more frequently...

if he smoked a few times a month, it wouldn't be a big deal for me. it's the every day that bothers me, the coming home from work and zoning out in front of the television or rolling a joint for a long car ride or something. if we were still in our early 20s it wouldn't bother me...but the more i felt i was ready for "grown up" things like a house and possibly a family, the more he clung to self-medicating. he would come home from a happy hour or something pretty tanked from drinking, and smoke a joint. you're already drunk. why do you need to be high, too? that kind of behavior is beyond my realm of understanding and i just never could accept that he did it so often...